February 8, 2011

Dear Nicolle, So at this moment your feeling sad. Your just hoping for something, anything, to come into your life and magically make it all better. But to be honest your not doing anything to actually make that happen. You slept with Jose again two weeks ago leading you to think your pregnant. You havent found out yet. You wont know if you are or not. Not for 6 more days. Which I should have waited til then to write this letter but we both no how you love to be dramatic. Even if it is just with yourself. I dont understand why we cant let him go. You've been broken up with him longer than you two were even together. Jessica isnt talking to you. She hasnt been for months. & for no apparent reason. She isnt healthy for you. I know she's been your best friend for all of your life but you really need to stop being friends with these people who treat you like shit and keep expecting them to change. Believe me. They wont. I hope that at this point you've gone out and made alot of new friends. Now to go over your relationships. Get the idea out of your head that Jose will always be there. Lets be honest for a second. I know that we have the thought floating around the back of your head that you never voice that one day, after all the bullshit, you and Jose will be together. But you need to just forget it. He really doesnt care about you. It must be obvious, even to you, because im aware of it, that all he wants from you is sex. He knows how you feel about him and he takes advantage of that. Quit making excuses for him because its not working. It doesnt change anything. Just let him go. Please. For our sake. About the others; If in the case your not pregnant, you probably still shouldnt fuck around with Alvaro this sumer. He's your cousin and even you know thats weird. I know its exciting to do some weird taboo crap affair but come on. He's married and has a kid. Put yourself in her shoes. Plus you really dont need to put yourself in that situation to feel loved or sexually attractive. Just lower your standards and be more patient. & Chris is in love right now. I know we thought that wouldnt happen to him again. That your little sexcapades would last for ever. But yeah, he's been hooked in. and I know that really hurts you, even though you dont want to admit it. But you'll be okay. He was never really anything. All that you felt was the connection from the sex. Sex that makes you feel like a kid, but sex that you dont need. & Jose, Juan, Daimien, Kristian, Jonathon, and Edgar are all in relationships and it makes you feel like crap to see them happy when your all alone. Especially how Jose is playing with your feelings and using you to cheat. But its your life. The life that your living. No one else is going to experience it except for you so dont give a shit what other people have going on and just do you. Thats advice from me to you. But back to the pregnant thing. We both know that the only reason you have these pregnancy suspicions is because it somehow makes you feel like there is this unseen connection linking you and Jose but its bullshit. We both know the chances of you being pregnant are like close to none. But your just ridiclous. Even as I sit here typing this im telling myself that im wrong. That im just showing myself tough love, but that theres a good chance. No. There isnt. So stop it. Really. Just STOP IT. Now some family advice. Love your dad more. I've already started the process. But believe me. That old man loves you. & you need to show him the love and resprect he deserves. Your mom too. I know shes your best friend. But sometimes you need to give her the resprect shes due and not always treat her like one of your pals. Also be nicer to Frankie. I know you think its funny to make fun of her but it really actually hurts her. & that little girl thinks the world of you. Let your brothers relationships be. Take them as they are. Like I said before. Live your life and let others live theirs. About the pot smoking. I kinda think the withdrawl has something to do with your depression. But at the same time not really. Its probably just pregnancy blues or your reaction to the mind games Jose is playing. So quit trying to be dramatic and say your a drug addict. So you smoke a few bowls everymorning. Big whoop drama queen. Anyways, you really are pretty. The only time you think other wise is when you compare yourself to other people. So stop doing that. Your gonna fuck yourself up. Some one is always going to love you. No matter what you look like. All you have to do is open up your heart. & im sending this letter on September 25, 2011. A month before your supposive due date, which also happens to be the anniversary of the day you met Jose, and 9 days after your 19th birthday. I hope it either opens your eyes to the fact that your still doing the same shit and you need to get on the ball and change that shit already. Or make you look back and see how much you've grown.