my thoughts comparison to when you get this

Dear FutureMe, i found this from my friend maya bajellica, i dont know if you still know her, but shes pretty kool, in her little geeky way. i guess i'm writing because this is a time where my thoughts are so scattered and unnerving. i have a boyfriend, his name is Ian Murray. hes my first boyfriend. we first got together on march 30th. every 30th is our anniversary. right now its been 1 month and a bit. i cant belive it hasnt been longer. gawd..this is so awkward, seems like i'm writing to a complete different person, but oh what do you know, its myself. but then again i guess you are different than how i am now. so thats okay..right? anyways. i just love him alot...; but sometimes..i'm not so sure, like..i like being with him and i enjoy his company and he is sweet,caring , compassionate, and doesnt pressure me or anything. its great. but sometimes i'm just like..why dont i feel this spark? i mean i miss him and stuff, ofcourse, but it just feels like something is missing. i dunno, maybe i'll understand once i'm at the age you're at, or once i've gone out with more guys. as well, i am so fucking regretting ever talking to that justin fag, i'm sure you'll remember who he is. fuck. i wanted my firts kiss to be special, and he is disgusting and i know i could get so much better, sooooo much. i feel dirty..just thinking about it. but i guess thats the past and all i have to do is make things with ian special. school is okay, but i'm knda loosing my persaverance to strive ..i mean i wannnnt to do good, i just dont seem to be doing the work, which is basicly what i rely on to pass the course and pass the tests. i'm starting to realise i have to. it'll just be interesting. i dunno. i'm kinda confused. i'm just so scared to tell my mom about iain but i have to. its getting too difficult to lie and she knows it too, and i need to compramise with her..but if she says no..i dont know what the fuck i'll do. gawd..its a little scary. but i guess when the moment is right i'll know it. right? i'm kinda overwhelmed with how much drugs and alchohol has taken over my friends lives, even kaeleigh, the perfect kaeleigh phillips (245-46-67, just incase you've lost touch) has started drinking and shit. i just dont know what to do, its like i'm the only one who has the maturity to see it. i guess aarc has shown me that, changed me so much more than i thought it would, i guess i would've been pretty snobby if we hadnt gone into aarc. probably would be one of those kids who drink..but maybe not. somewhere deep inside i really hope not. i'm just so frustrated that no one sees things in my opinion, what happened to having fun without the substances, having ACTUAL fun?!!?!?!!!! i dont know..i just wish people saw it in my light. that leads to the sex thing, like wholy shit, you knowwww the consequences sp why the fuck are you going and getting pregnant!!! i dont ever want kids, and on jan 1 2006 i made a pact to myself that i wouldnt have sex until i'm 18, as much as i want to, becuz if i do get pregnant, i will at least have finished highschool. i really hope you havent drank, done drugs, or had sex, or succumb to all the stupid peer pressure. i really hope you be who you are and stay mature and level headed how i think i am now. i really really hope so. i am smart, i odnt want it to go to waste, so if you've been acting up, you better fucking smarten up or your conscience will be after you for the rest of your life, especially once you've read this letter.. i hope you still care, i hope things are okay, i hope you figure things out with josh, i hope you move in with dad like your heart is telling you to, i hope you dont get mixed up in any shit. because i know you deserve better. i care about you, more than anyone, you are my future self, i hope you turn out good.. i hope i/you still think this way that i do now.. otherwise..who would i be??/ this is a totally kool finding. i like it. i hope i get a big group of friends next year, that are all like me, and not screw ups, i hope central is the right choice, and you better damn have been doing good in skool you also need to get one of your stories published, or at least winning a contest by june 30th 2007, as for you art work..just keep it up and maybe try for the arts program thing in central next year. this is soo weird typing you know..like..wow. hahah :P i know i'm a loser. i want you to strive for your writing more than anything else, becuz i am, you are, talented, i hope you never foget that, this should be a life time talent, not just one you pick up and then drop later. you are amazing,. lolz cheesy i know. well..i know this is all that i should do, and you should have done. as for that contest thing, good luck with the deadline. dont ever change your views, be yourself, live life to the fullest, and i hope you're living with dad. or life is better at moms. keep in contact with prakruti lohdia, becuz she is pretty freaking special, no matter how far away she is. and you need to help her through all these mistakes shes making..i'm sure she'll make a few more.. i love you love your self i hope you take this message from the past to the future to heart, becuz it means a lot to me now.. you better have read this all.. i love you you are the best you can be, i hope. lol -Ashley Jaylene Vinson, age fifteen ie: Yourself from the past.