Happy Birthday!

Dear FutureMe, How does it feel to be 29? In all honesty, I hope you are still around in 2010. I just turned 24 yesterday, it's funny how life can bite you in the ass. Money has become the biggest issue in my life - the irony!!! I still hate money tho. I hope you still do, I hope you have not become another slave to the machine. I know you don't care about money, but I hope you are not worrying about it the way I am because your loved ones need supporting. I hope you and your family are healthy and happy - because that is the most important thing in this world. Money is really tight as home - it's such a joke. All the family hairlooms are in the pawnshop, including my mother's wedding jewellery. My mother refuses - with sentimental reason I suppose - to give up the pawn tickets, so all our money (of 3 working adults) goes to the fucking pawn shop. This is why, despite the appearance of being a normal middle-class family, there is not 10 dollars between the 4 of us by the end of the month. We eat bloody tofu 4 times a week because it's cheap. I feel so guilty, because it seems that we are here because my useless education cost so much. Yet, nobody blames me and I love them for that. My docter nagged me last week about loosing weight, but I... can't help but not care. How the hell can I care or make an effort to loose weight, or dress well, or find love, or carve out a career when the spectre of my family going hungry hangs over my head? I've stopped living like a normal person, like a normal 24 year old girl. I hope by the time you read this, you would have regained some normalcy. Or are you traumatised for life? If so, stop complaining that you don't have a story to tell and go write that book about your trauma you lazy bum!!!