You Wrote This 5 Years Ago. It is Not Spam.

Dear FutureMe, Hello from the 5-years-ago you. Man, do I ever have a lot of hopes for you, and I hope you bucked-up and delivered on them. By now BT & BS should be moved out of the house and in college - or at the very least - just in college and not being at home driving you nuts all the time like they are now. AJ should be in 2nd grade unless I did the math wrong. This means you have absolutely NO excuse to not get the fuck out of the house and get a job or some kind of life. And yes, you DO look like a lazy bitch to everyone if you aren't working. That 'stay-at-home-mom' thing only covers a person for a few years, and with the education and experience you have there is absolutely NO reason for you to be home doing nothing. (Unless you've hit the lottery in one way or another.) I assume that you have finished, or at least started on your Bachelor's Degree. There is NO way we want Dawn to beat us to the punch on that one! She'll never fucking let us live it down, and you know it. If you've done nothing regarding college - get off your ass and do it. I desperately hope that you are not having panic attacks anymore. At the time I'm writing this you have already given 14 years to them - and several years to agoraphobia. You have no friends at all other than Dave and the kids, and you cannot drive because you are phobic of driving. Your world was very small in 2005. Remember? We just moved to Washington and are living on Finn Hill in the house they're going to tear down in a few months to make way for a big development. Do you ever drive by there and wonder WTF they were thinking? The five-year-ago you kind of had hopes that you might actually be able to buy a house in the new development they're building even though that just seems sacreligious because of how much you love this old house. I hope that - either way - you and Dave own a house by now, and I hope you got one with at least 4 bedrooms for the grandkids that we desperately want to come and visit us a few years from now. We still have very high hopes that we'll have a granddaughter since after 3 tries we never did get our daughter. Remember to feed the birds - don't ever forget how much you love watching them. Don't even tell me you don't have bird feeders out. If you don't - get off your ass, get in your car - DRIVE to the hardware store and buy two of them immediately. You are 39 now - of course you know that - but the PastMe sitting here thinking about that - well, it sounds pretty cool to be nearing 40. I'm hoping Dave didn't have a mid-life crisis, that he still loves you as much as he did in 2005, and that you realize that he is the best man you have ever known in your life. Right now he's working at the law firm. My hope is that he is still as happy there as he was in 2005. Five more years and he gets that 3 month sabbatical! (Woohoo!) Right now we are still battling the weight that the medicine caused us to gain. We've shot up to 240 pounds, but are starting a low-carb diet for New Years. I hope you stuck with it because you really hate being fat. People are really mean to you about it - even strangers on the street. If we could lose it as fast as we gained it we'd be thrilled. Do you still hate anxiety as much as you did in 2005? I hope not - I hope you never even think about it. I also hope you can run. If not - start running now. I hope that you finished the book about pregnancy. You had over 140 pages written - you were so close to finishing. Did you get it published? Are you rich and famous from it? PastMe hopes so. BT is having problems back here in the past. He's in 10th grade, but doing a program that lets him home-school himself. BS is not doing great in school, but he has a great social life. His first real girlfriend has come into his life, and her name is Amanda. She's sweet, and loves him - I suppose as much as 14-year-olds can understand love. If you haven't already - please put a stop to the kids taking away all control from you. Stand up tall and just take charge. They are YOUR things, YOUR house, YOU'RE their mother - don't let them continue to change you and take away your imagination and enthusiasm for life. In 2005 that is what is happening. You have no control over anything. BT has taken it all, and you've let him do it because it was easier than fighting with him. JUST FIGHT HIM BACK. He is the child. You are the mother. Be strong. It sounds easy from here - I know - but I also know that it's not. You have said that he is so much stronger than you - but that's not true. You just have to be strong, emote, stop hiding in your own house, and get your gumption together and MAKE HIM STOP. I am going to be working on that for you. So - here's hoping that Bush hasn't fucked up the country to the point of no return (hopefully he and Cheney got impeached), that a good president has gotten some things under control, that there are no more of our soldiers in Iraq (we never belonged there in the first place), that you have your Christmas tree up and decorated and a ton of presents underneath it. You and Dave have been together for ten years now - get him something really wonderful for Christmas. Perhaps take him to Alaska to the Double Musky for dinner. Remember, it's his favorite restaurant in the world. Hug AJ - right now. He's incredible. Give him a kiss from PastMe, and tell him that he's the most wonderful thing in the entire Universe, and that you love him so much. If you're not feeling okay - work on it. You must work on these things - they don't happen by themselves, and every single day is a chance for a do-over. Be strong, girl. PastMe