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Dear FutureMe, Holy shit, I hope you are having a better time than you are right now!! I suppose I should tell you how life is at the moment so you can see how things have changed, although I'm not entirely sure you'll like remembering your life at this moment! Let's see, it is 12/21/05 11:08 p.m. You are 25 years old. You just came home from your shit job at Jewel-Osco. You freaking hate that job. You hate retail. I hope you've gotten out but I doubt it. At this very moment you are listening to "The Blues are Still Blue" by Belle and Sebastian. You love Belle and Sebastian. You love their harmonies. You love dancing to them while you're cleaning the house. And if you could be in a band, this would be it. In fact, this album comes out....in the future. That's right, you stole it. Doesn't come out of another 2 months. But guess what...you don't care. You need it right now. You can buy it when it comes out. You live in a goofy little apartment on Arlington Ave. in the shit town of Racine. You hate this city. So much. You live with your darling Bill kitty, Don Juan the fish, and Pooh Bear, of course. You just ate sphagetti. Yum. As for your personal life, well, it's in complete shambles. You had a boyfriend who was your best friend for so many years, remember him? Yep, that's right, Brandon. You loved him. You really truly loved him. You still do. Three weeks ago you found out that he cheated on you. Remember that day? I know you do. You were in the hospital and she was your nurse and she told you. That day sucked. So very much. And now everything has fallen apart. You don't know what will happen. You miss your boyfriend. You miss your best friend. You feel so very alone. You have so many questions and exactly zero answers. You are suffocating. However, you do know what you want. You want out of this town. You want someone to love, someone who loves you. You want that connection. You want babies. Lots of babies. More than anything you want to be a good mother someday. You would love to live in England. You want more and more and more and more good music. You'd like to be able to take pictures more often. You want a job that you hate less. You'd like to live in a house. You want to be strong and you want to be happy. I guess I'd like to say that I hope you've accomplished some of these things. If not, that's okay, as long as you have tried. I hope you're still alive. I hope that when you look in the mirror you recognize the person looking back at you. I hope you've found some sort of peace. Gack, you're 30 now aren't you? You old lady. How many cats have you now? Don't be that lady. Well, unless you have to. You're not so bad, you know. People, they just don't understand. But I know. Being you is a 24 hour a day 365 days a year job. It doesn't end. But you've already made progress. You're not there, but you're working on it. And that is admirable. You're not a bad person, you're not a hurtful person, but you do have a lot of walls. You need to trust in yourself. You need to give yourself to someone. You have an astounding capacity for love. That scares people. No one has ever loved you in the way that you have loved them. But they will. You will find it. Don't let them make you lose your passion. Keep marvelling. Keep singing, even if you sound terrible. Keep being all the oposites that you are. Dye your hair blue again if you want to. Go out to the country and visit an old antiques store. Go to a great show and dance until you fall down. Stay home and do crossword puzzles. Play your guitar more. Let the house be messy. Talk to the plants. Wear sandles all year. See people on the bus and make up their life stories. Smile every time you see old people holding hands. Adopt every defective stuffed animal you see. Leave interesting notes on park benches. Buy new coloring books. Pretend to live another life for a day. Eat all the potato chips you want. Stay up all night watching silent movies. Let your imagination run wild. Don't forget that you're not old until you stop being a kid. Spend hours making the perfect mix CD just to start over the next day. Don't bother with make-up if you don't want to. Wear the strangest hats you can find. Add hand claps to every song you hear. Listen to your music and go there, to that place where nothing else exists. These are some of the things that make you who you are. Someday, I swear someday, someone will see them and love them. You just keep holding on.