checking up

Dear FutureMe, next wednesday i'll be eighteen and you will have been for quite a while, and everything is pretty... unbalanced right now, so i'm thinking i'd like to take a sort of snapshot, since im not keeping diaries anymore... ive retired the prozac zombie but im due to start on something new soon, hopefully it will have more preferable effects. the dip between the two is not fun i feel like im miles away from everyone and everything around me and im trying so very very hard to grow closer, especially with k, and while its the most mature relationship of my life so much hangs in ?????? question marks i just dont know i hope that you, futureme, are keeping everything going, the dog the cat and making sure family is still happy enough. i just hope that everything is "ok" because two years ago it was very very not.... and im terrified of it happening again when i feel ok, or even good, i cant remember ever feeling that terrible but then i fall down and everything just goes to shit its been that way for years so hopefully, by this time, SOMETHING will have changed. im changing my life, but my feelings, that drought, the floods, they do not change.... so here is hoping. much love. xoxoxo mjw