On your 24th

Dear FutureMe, Here I lay in my room. It's the summer of 2010. In this year, I've lost over 40lbs. . . one would think life would be grand? Wrong. I fear I've slipped into a greater depression. I have found that before, I could use the fact that I was overweight as an excuse. . . it was the whipping boy in this amicable relationship but now that I'm not so fat. . . I feel that I cannot blame it entirely. I'm not thin but still I don't think it's as potent as before. Point is. . . I don't know where I stand anymore. My life is the jumbled mess. I'm lost. Everyone's words are twisted and I'm caught in this constant confusion. I'm also saddened at the fact that I have yet to find love. It's quite depressing, realizing that you are 23 and you have never loved. People find me frightening. I don't know whether to be proud or disappointed at that fact. At this point I just want to push everyone away, set my world on fire and run away. Oh, how I wish that I could. I don't know where you will be at on your 24th birthday. I hope it's not spent like lasts. It was horrid to be drunk and alone on your birthday. I also don't know what the intention was of this e-mail, perhaps to provide you with insight of this present moment or maybe so that I could vent without needing to rely on anyone. I hope you learn to let go of everything you have bottled within you. That you learn to accept that people are capable of loving you and that when people say that you are beautiful you accept it as a kind compliment and not as sharpened words meant to harm and humiliate. The men, who harmed you so much, are where they belong. . . in the past. Allow one into your heart so that someday you could trust one enough to love. Loneliness is a crime. Plus, you should feel proud of yourself for standing up to such a vile man at your job. . . someone of 'power'. if you could have the courage to do that. . . then you should give love a try. Stop scaring potentional love interests away. I hope you have a wonderful 24th birthday and if you do find yourself alone or even feeling remotely lonely. . . remember that you are the only one capable of changing that. Enjoy your life, after all 10/10 people die.