A letter from March 1st, 2018

Dear FutureMe, I'm sending this letter from the march 1st 2018 I'm now to choose my future way of living: CPGE or Uni. I've already decided, but still having the choice means any of my choosing won't be effective till the last minute. No matter which I choose, the temptation of choosing the other one will still haunt me till the last tocsin's toll on May 20th 2018. I fairly sure I'll chose the Uni, but I can't get on with it without regrets. Am I missing on something ? If I decide to become engineer and not researcher how will my life be shaped in consequence ? I am mainly choosing the Uni for these few reasons: first, the university is peaceful. I can relax there and spend time on personal development. I might be talking as the teenager I am, in a "special snowflake" fashion when saying that I feel different from everyone around me; but again I'm so unaware of everbody's life that I can't tell for sure. However last night I got a peculiar thought: the most I focus on one thing an one thing only, the best I am at it and the worst I am at everything else. I can try cycling through everything periodically like a radar to train everything "equally", but CPGE won't allow me this. I'd have to give up on learning japanese, programming, machine learning (at least for a few years, which right now means a few centuries), and on any "opening onto the world" I developed. In the other hand, the university likely means that I can focus on a whole lot of subjects without being forced to choose (even though I'll ultimately have to...). The thought I had last night was a connection between this situation and "la dialectique du maître et de l'esclave" by Hegel. The more I focus on a few things and neglected others, the more I become a master but the less I know about my surrounding. In contrast, the more I am a slave the more I get to experience "first hand" the subjects I like and the more I know about the world. But by staying a slave by my own will I'll only ever get on the surface of subjects: "jack of all trades but master of none". Therefore I can pick multiple path from this: 1- I could become "jack of some trades, and master of some others" 2 - I could also become "jack of all trades but master of none" 3 - and finally I could become "jack of none, but master of one" I'm more inclined of following the second one. Let's see what you did/will do.