When I'm 50

Dear FutureMe, No car No job No money Crappy marriage. 45 years old. What a wasted life. Opportunities Crash like a fart in the wind. Why do I always make the worst choices? Seems like I can never succeed @ anything. I certainly never finish anything. God has plans 4 me. What the hell R they? Sometimes I think if I have 1 more crises in my pathetic life, that I might just end it all? Will I B around 2 receive this? I hope I'm able 2 find the peace and solitude I crave w/out being dependent on a damn MAN. I like being alone. I love my kids. If I coulda had em w/out the father I woulda. I know If I had only taken the road less travelled. I find myself living in my past. What if.......? If I could have a chance 2 do it over, would I get it right? Probably not! I don't know why life is so hard. I'm not a bad person. I got a gr8 heart. That's all I got left too. Which is surprising considering how many times it's been ripped out and stomped on. Very resilient organ. Too bad I only have 1. And I swear I will never give it away 2 another 3-legged beast as long as I am on this earth. They don't appreciate it anyway. If it doesnt include the act of fornication than it is meaningless 2 them. I certainly hope my after-life is more productive than this 1. Seems everytime I take 1 step 4ward, I end up taking 2 steps backward. What's wrong with this picture? I believed I had common sense, But I'm not so sure anymore. I haven't done anything worth writing about in my whole life. Is it too late 4 me? Are my kids okay? Can they be able to make a life on their own, so I can go off by myself? I really need 2 get away. I have been so stagnant here. Have I met my cyberpals? Have I told my kids I love them enuff, so I can leave w/out guilt? Have I taught them enuff to B able 2 go on w/out me? Has my hair greyed yet? Have I gone thru menopause? God I hope so. Have I finally made it w/out a damn ol' MAN 2 keep me afloat? God I hope so. Well Happy B-day 2 me! We shall C.