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You graduated June 14th on a wednesday. That was 5 years ago today. 5 years from now i hope i have some sort of job and have moved out from my parents house. Speaking of my parents i hope that by now i have came out to them and that they accept me. I hope i’m in some sort of serious relationship and maybe talking about having kids, i want to have at least 2 kids some day, don't forget how much you love kids. I hope my knee healed and you were able to keep on playing softball because it's something i really enjoyed.
My most proud accomplishment was making the varsity softball team but joining softball so late in my high school career was also my biggest regret because i think that if i would have started playing since i was a freshman it would have changed my life. It could have gotten me a scholarship somewhere like some girls on the team, it would have motivated me to do good as a freshman which was when i messed up the most which was the reason i got sent to J plus. And having someone like coach to support me since freshman year would have made things alot easier on me in the long run.
Right now i sleep in the bathroom because our house isn't big enough and i was tired of sleeping on the floor, so in the future i hope you have a really huge bed with ton of pillows and you can move around all you want and never have to sleep with a washer and drier in the background. Also i hope you've finally decided to cut and dye your hair like i've always wanted to, i hope you get many stupid and meaningless tattoos that tie to amazing nights, i hope you finally dress how YOU want and are able to express yourself freely.
What worries me most about my future is that i don’t think i'm really good at anything. People have things they’re really good at like they’re good at math, they can sing, play a sport really good, have big dreams and while i think i'm pretty good at art i don't know if i have any real talent. I don't think i'll be able to make a career out of it. I also have really bad abandonment issues that have always played a role in the cause of my failed relationships and i one day want kids so it worries me i’ll end up bringing my future kids into a broken family. I’m scared that i’ll never become a united states citizen and will get pulled over and get unlucky and get a biased cop.
I hope after all the changes i go through you still have a good relationship with everyone in the family. Especially mom, i know she's not perfect but no matter what i'll always want her acceptance and love plus she's getting old and i never ever want things to end on bad terms. Also your future kids deserve her as a grandma, they’ll love her, she's always been good with kids. I hope me and all my siblings still hang out and play baseball like we used to, i hope all go home for the holidays every once in awhile and are finally able to get mom and dad presents they deserve just how they always got us what we wanted. Future self i hope you have seen past all the negativity and insecurities i was going through right now and have a little family with the love of your life and be able to look back and see that you had nothing to worry about.
Epilogueabout 21 hours later
reading this today made me really emotional knowing that i practically predicted my future with my girlfriend and my parents loving her and getting a big bed and a good job, im still very unsure of where my life is going but i know at least past me would be so extremely proud of current me for coming out and moving out and i hope i can keep making past me proud for many many years to come