Time Travelled — almost 5 years

A letter from May 19th, 2017

May 19, 2017 May 19, 2022

Claire,

You're on a roll today. Third letter sent. This one might be cheerier...maybe? Probably. I don't know. No promises. You're older and wiser and I'll blame my indecision on the fact that I'm still in my 20s. Heh.

You know what? What I want you do today is look back on the two letters I sent you to get right before you turned 30. Sit with them. Really sit with them. Reflect on how it must have felt for me to write them. Reflect on how it must have felt for me to receive them. Maybe if I remember when I get it a year from now, I'll write something about it here. No promises (again. 20s!! suck it.)... Unless something went horribly wrong, you should be licensed now. YOU BETTER BE LICENSED NOW!!! You might even have kids. HOLY CRAP, DO YOU HAVE KIDS?!?!?!?!?!?! I'm hoping that your training so far and maybe continued therapy (are you still seeing Lori? TELL HER I SAID HI! And if you are not in therapy, WTF YOU IDIOT, GO BACK! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!) can help make sense of it. I'm in a weird place right now. It feels like limbo. Just finished at VU two weeks ago with no real job prospects, but also this funk I'm in is working really hard to prevent me from even trying. Man I hope I get a job soon! Sorry if I took too long.

Jeebus, Claire, stick with it! Okay--long story short, I felt like crap when I wrote the first one. My eyes are still burning a bit from all the crying and I have a bit of a headache. Feeling fat and sorry for yourself about feeling fat tend to do that. OMG ARE YOU STILL FAT?! GO FOR A WALK. Okay, if you really are, I'm sorry. That would make me feel terrible if I got a letter from myself from a few years ago that said that. I'm not trying to make you feel like crap about yourself. I've got that covered here in 2017. My whole "this is your year, you're gonna graduate and make life your bitch" thing that I'm not even sure I ever told myself (lol) is not really working out. I mean, you did graduate, but life if being a bitch right now and I'm kinda letting her do it. Sorry again (20s? That excuse is only going to last one more year. Gotta use it up.)

Okay. Life today: Still living at 2003 because I'm poor. Driving BB because he's awesome. Watching The 4400 because I'm a loser. Liking the 4400 because I'm a loser. Currently ~wirelessly~ charging my sweet galaxy s7 edge because I'm sOoO cool. CAN WE CHARGE WITH MAGIC YET?! Currently have not washed my hair since....the day before...wait...I think...yea probably the day before Jackie's graduation (IS SHE ALMOST A DOCTOR YET?! Did you get her the gloves? GET HER THE DAMN GLOVES!)...which was the 12th (LMAO I hope like like bathing more than I do now). Still working at State Farm because I am otherwise unemployed. So I'm poor. I'm afraid to ask how many gnomes you have. I have....13? That includes the triple one as individuals, Jeffrey, Teddy the sweater, and Tom the shoes. OMG DID YOU FIND JEFFREY?! If you have moved out, (OMFG CLAIRE, MOVE OUT ALREADY) then maybe (fingers crossed, hopefully) you found him among the mess of as yet still packed things from NY. Hmm...other non-essentials....my God Claire, I hope you have friends. I hope you have such good friends that you can tell them about this part and laugh about how you had basically no real friends at (almost) 29. I hope this is funny or something in 5 years. If you have no friends, then....welcome to the club, we have lots and lots of food because we have no friends to eat it all with (lol, sorry. If you have friends, tell them about this too hahahahah). What else...what else...Cards Against Humanity is the family's jam. If you still only have like 2-3 expansion packs, get the rest and make everyone get together to play it. The big 3-4 is coming up and everyone knows 34 is important (?? can I even do math? NO ONE LIKES YOU WHEN YOU'RE 33. okay even I'm annoyed about myself for that one. HOLY CRAP, ARE YOU STILL ON FACEBOOK? WHY ARE WE STILL IN THE PARENTHESES? AND why are we yelling?) I am currently on a facebook fast and it is KILLING ME. And that fact is killing me. Shayley (so sweet, I hope she's doing well. OMG SHE'S GONNA BE 21 IN LIKE 3 WEEKS) and I talked last week in her session about how she was contemplating getting one and we discussed how in my life and others', it easily became too important, or addictive, and we have trouble living without it. We talked about the pros and cons and I *think* she might spare herself. I put a counter on my phone and since Sunday night (the 14th, it's like 2am on the 19th now), I have been compelled to open my currently logged out app, um....52 times. so basically that much in about 4 days' time. If you haven't already, cool it! Look at the memes (are those still a thing?) scroll for a few, but then leave it alone! How about this? What I'm hoping to do this coming Sunday is limit myself to a few (5? 10?) minutes in the morning (lol "morning") when I first get up and another few before I go to bed. Other than that, just when someone (Jackie; who am I kidding) tells me to look at something. I'm already doubting it'll happen, but that's what I'd like. Maybe it'll be more like a few times a week or less eventually. That would be ideal. I know that, for now, it's not going anywhere. It's a boredom killer, but then it's also a time killer when I should be doing other things.

Okay grown up Claire. I've taken up too much of your time. I feel better though. I mean I'm currently still fat and unhappy (SORRY), but at least I'm not a blubbering mess like I was when I wrote that first one. Yikes! Time for some solitaire on your sweet galaxy tablet. Are there clear ones that charge with magnets or something cool yet? Okay I need to calm down, five years is not a lot of time. It's not like Gattaca or something. Eff. I love that movie. Go watch it! GO! NOW! JK I HOPE YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN LISTEN TO SOME PUNK 28 YEAR omg sorry for yelling I need to go to sleep it's 2:45am.

You're pretty okay, Claire. Appreciate yourself a little more. And appreciate your kids, if you have them. Or your dog. And if you have none of those, for the love of all that is holy, get yourself some freaking friends, Claire! Or a dog. Just get a dog and call it a day. And don't name it Scruffy 2. AWW SCRUFF MCGRUFF. Okay Jesus, BYE.

-Claire

Ps - Just read it back. Did I fulfill my promise of not depressing you? I think that's what I promised...better start taking ginko biloba. Anyway, I hope you're truly happy these days. How amazing does it feel? Smile a lot today, okay?


May 19, 2017 → May 19, 2022 • 1241 words