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Dear FutureMe, You've been spending a lot of time trying to conceal your wrist. It's starting to heal but you wish it weren't. You have been lying to everyone you care about (best friend, mom and Liz) about it. You know what happened there...It's NOT just a scratch. You lock yourself in the bathroom and dig in with a safety pin until you bleed and you can breathe again. It's funny because when you do it, you leave the medicine cabinet door open so you can't see your face in the mirror. Because if you see your face, you cry. You sometimes want to shout what it really is to your bff but she keeps on talking about how she's way past cutting and self harm because it's stupid. You don't want to BE STUPID or act like a preteen going through a phase. You just want someone to want to stop you. For God's sake you're fucking 18 in a week, and you are obsessed with some safety pin...You were so scared because one day you needed to so bad so you locked yourself in the bathroom and looked in the cabinet and it wasn't there. Someone took your safety pin. You spent the entire day looking for it, thinking about it. In the end you used a smaller safety pin you found. You're still afraid someone knows. Your doctor was wrong, you lied to him and he told your mother it's normal teenage stuff not depression or anything else. Normal teens don't have to make themselves bleed so they can breathe again. You have to stop on your own, because you can't keep on and you can't tell.