A letter from December 8th, 2015

So you've graduated. This is a reminder to keep it real. Don't get married. Marriage is srs bsnss. You're emotionally sensitive and easily carried away by whomever you're currently infatuated with. Yeah, go ahead, but stop for a minute. 1. Do they want kids? You know the saying "Like father like son, like mother like daughter"? Yeah. No. You don't want to turn out like them. This is a life we're talking about here, and if you're not prepared for whatever your kid will turn out to be, don't have a kid. Your kid could turn out to be an incredibly annoying, holier-than-thou piece of shit. Think you can handle that? If religious parents can raise atheist kids, atheist parents can raise religious kids. Think on that. 2. Do YOU want kids? Don't be swayed. You like to impress people, and make people like you--who doesn't?--but don't compromise your own principles for anyone. No one's THAT worth it. 3. Do you LIKE this person? "Yeah," you say. "Duh." It's OK, you're only human. Think about the WHY and WHEN. When did you meet this person? What were either of you doing at the time? What hit it off? Why do you like this person? There's no right answer. Just make sure it's not another stupid infatuation thing. 4. Do THEY like you? This is very important. Listen carefully. You're not attractive. In terms of looks, you're nowhere close to have won the genetic lottery. Any guy who ONLY EVER HAS YOUR APPEARANCE to talk about is A HUGE RED FLAG. Any guy who ONLY EVER HAS WHAT YOU HAVE to talk about is A HUGE RED FLAG; This includes your house, your car, your luxury items, and people you know. There's no way anyone falls for you at first sight. It's impossible. Anyone who falls for you too quickly is A HUGE RED FLAG. Time needs to pass before anybody knows what sort of person you are, and falling in love before that is A HUGE RED FLAG. I sound bitter and pessimistic, but that's because I'm only talking about negative things. I can easily talk about hundred other positive things, but you're easily swayed. You rationalize very well. Don't do it. There's this guy. You think there's a sliver of an interest from his end. You don't really care for him right now, but, in case you end up otherwise, here's something to know about him in case you forget: a) You don't know the real reason behind his last breakup. You never will. All stories are one-sided. b) You overhear his reason for breaking up with the girl, but he was right next to you when he had no reason to be and he was telling it to another girl in your group. It sounded like he was trying to make himself look good. c) Your dad has two things to say about him: "He looks like a playboy" and "He looks like the sort to go after a girl for her money". Your dad may be a close-minded, inflated balloon, but he's usually right about these things. d) You're not his type. Just don't fall for it. It's a trap. Can you imagine doing ANYTHING together and actually liking it? No. e) You suspect he's not really as nice as people think. He's just polite. Politeness isn't necessarily real niceness. 5. How do they treat waiters/waitresses and your housekeepers? Any person, man, woman, or whatever, who treats these people with anything less than respect and courtesy is a piece of shit. Don't give me the "Oh, but he has other good qualities too..." because, dude, of COURSE he's good to you and your fam. You're good to your boss because you want something out of him. You're good to a girl because you want something out of her. You're good to all humans in general because you're a good human being. There's really nothing complicated here. 6. How good are they? Listen. You want a good guy. But there's such a thing as someone who is TOO good. That's what we call a Good Guy™. They're good to everyone IN FRONT OF YOU, your friends, and/or your family. In front of anyone with no connection to you, however, he may very well be a huge dickfart. If, in the end, he doesn't get what he wants after investing all of his "niceness", he'll show his true colours. No true nice person will make a 180 turn like that. 7. You want to be the breadwinner. You can't get with anyone local or Asian in general. You're a woman. Your culture expects you to "settle down" and "have kids" and "stay home to be a housewife". Fuck no. You're in dental school BECAUSE you don't want to rely on a partner. You want what other married men have: Someone at home to take care of the house. Finding a househusband is impossible here. Inevitably, the man will feel like your metaphorical dick is larger than his and will go out in search of a woman whose metaphorical dick he thinks is smaller than his own. He will cheat. Remember what happened to your mom's friend. And that other lady whose husband almost killed her because "he felt like a housewife". Asshole. 8. You don't like honest people; You like it WHEN people are honest. Never, ever admit you like honest people. That's when assholes will take the opportunity to be "brutally honest" with you. They're not concerned with being honest. They just want to be brutal. So you like it WHEN they're honest, so you'll know just what sort of person they are and can decide if you want this sort of person in your life without wasting time with them. 9. Are they open-minded? This is important. We're not talking stupid idiots who believe anything they read on anything. Anybody can have opinions. Also, anyone whose egos get hurt when their opinions are challenged is A HUGE RED FLAG. It means they are not willing to open up to new possibilities. At the same time, remember that "If everyone is an asshole, you're the asshole". Pay attention to what sort of things they generalize. Do they generalize candy brands? Laptops? Ethnicities? Sexualities? Certain generalizations are hurtful. 10. Don't let anyone put themselves before you unless you let them. Being kind is putting others before yourself. Being taken advantage of is letting others put themselves before you. Think carefully. Don't worry if someone is waiting for your response. You're always impulsive on the "Yes". It's OK to say "No". A few "No"s on your track record isn't going to be so bad. Remember: Anyone who is FORCING you behind them can't be good news, even if they are in trouble. Good people don't force you with anything, they just hope you have kindness. === That's it. Stay cool and don't question your gut feeling so much. They're usually right. Anyway, when you're done, send this again for next year with any alterations you feel is necessary. See you!