A letter from December 4th, 2015

Dear Future Me, i am sixteen going on seventeen~~ lol I hope that things are really looking up...just kidding, i bet i won't even remember sending myself this on the year posted. But anywhoo~ I hope you've- I'VE been able to at least be happy and find someone who's stuck with you through all the rough patches, because no matter what they say, family isn't always there or what's best, at this time i know that already. The world is filled with too many liars, so by this time i hope i've found someone that can not only be brutally honest with me, but also someone who can handle my fits of annoying loudness and depressing silence. i also hope that HE is still our friend...or you know...haha but if he isn't, i would understand too, completely different leagues we are in, him and "us" but the memories would last forever right? we should know by now that when someone says they'll be there forever, we should never trust them… because i just realized that the people who said they would be there forever, well, they’re already gone. all of those people we've loved, fallen in love with, or are currently in love with--ah i suppose i take it back then, because even if they aren't physically with us forever, they will be forever in our hearts right? even if i don't want to remember them. (ohmygahd if i don't laugh anywhere in this letter i have become quite boring...it's so cheesy i can smell it man) I should be about 26 right now~ if not, then i really haven't gotten any better at math since junior year....nooooooooooooo!! but i guess right now, i'm afraid--afraid that the last person i want to leave me right now, will leave me. you can't possibly forget him, no matter how much time has passed, i know for a fact that you won't. heck, you're probably thinking of him as you read this part, and if I ever got a happy ending, maybe he could be reading this with you too. i dunno, lol. but in this time, i really only have two people that i care about that aren’t from my family, just these two that stayed by me and i hope i can stay by them for a very long time. ah, so many things i want to experience. going to college, hanging out with old friends, moving out and living on our own with our first job, yay? lol don't forget! on your 21st i hope we had a fun night out drinking and silly stories of our wasted selves and the hangover we suffered the next morning. i hope we still have plans to travel the world, with that certain someone. i hope that we still love anime and cooking, even if we are still terrible at the latter. i really hope we get to japan, and tour the entire country from top to bottom, in all of its modern and traditional glory. i hope, i hope, i hope. most of all, i hope that we have finally become happy, not that temporary happy, or that fake happy that we’ve always had, i mean the real happy. the happy i feel now when i see his face and he smiles. yeah, that kind of happy. i hope that we are always happy with times of sadness instead of always depressed with times of happiness. i really really hope things have looked up by now, i really hope that things have gotten better, i really hope that the ones we love and hold dear now, are still with us in this future. i really really do wish i could just peek into the future, to know that everything will be alright for me, that i will be otay, and all is well. then maybe i wouldn't have to worry, i wouldn't be afraid, and i would never think about dying ever. if only huh? but, if you happen to be alone when you’re reading this. on this day especially, if there is no one by your side, or you have no one to turn to, just know that it’ll be otay. at least it should be. if you say something enough it’s bound to come true right? things will get better, things will look up, you can be happy, and smile genuinely soon enough. if i am able to survive until you read this, then i sure as hell can survive at least a bit longer, until things DO get better. you’re never alone because you always have yourself, and now i realize that that’s the only person to never leave you, our thoughts to keep us company. oh jeez i don't even know where i was going with that. oh well, i better stop before i start to ramble anymore. sincerely, past self. oh, and by the way, happy birthday.