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God, I smell awful.
How're things? I'm pretty good, but at the same time...I dunno.
I'm finally getting slightly better with my medicines. Since i've been back, i've been actually doing them all, and for me, that's, well, fantastic.
It was Adams house party last night. It was a fun night, but I ended up remaining pretty sober. We did some rap battling, and generally just chilled. I feel like i'm slowly but surely becoming closer to people, and that makes me happy.
I was thinking about stuff today, looking at my picture wall. Mainly, two things. The first was, so much is stored on facebook. So many pictures, so many videos, so many memories. People always say about privacy concerns and all of that, how it means people could find out anything about you given enough time and effort put in, but...to me its different. What if facebook ever shut down? What if it stopped being popular, or something happened and everyones accounts were just erased. All those memories, all those things we've said, all those moments that we put there for safe keeping...they'd be gone. And that's horrible for me. One day, I don't doubt that all of this will be...gone. I'm constantly in debate about my memories. On one hand, but solidifying them, by putting them in a physical form, it means that that will become the memory. You'll remember the pictures, or the videos, instead of the actual event. But at the same time...I don't ever want my memories to die with me, my life to not matter just because i'm no longer in control of a flesh suit. I'm going to leave as many traces of myself as possible in this world of ours. I hope you're keeping that torch going, man. Because need it.
The second was about my picture wall. One day, i'll leave here. This house I call home, this room i've spent so long customizing...It won't always be here. I'll have to pack up, move out, and just...move on. It's kind of a sad thought. But that doesn't mean the memories are gone. I'll still have all those pictures, and i'll still keep them close to my heart.
I need to get a quote on that tattoo. I'm still not sure what i'm wanting, but i'm sure its kingdom hearts based. That will always have been and always will be my first tattoo. It made me who I am.
I've also put pictures of Jake and Evelyn back on my wall. I'll never forgive them for what they did, but a lot of time has past now. They were still a big part of my life, and honestly...i'm glad i'm out of that. It was unhealthy for me.
One day, i'm sure i'm going to find a girl who's just the right mix of crazy and sane. A girl who's eyes I can look into, and see all the skies and worlds that are reflected in me. A girl who I can offer my hand to with no idea of the destination, or the goal, or even where on earth we're going. And she will just...take it. She'll look at me with no fear or doubt. We won't care about where it takes us, because that isn't what matters. What matters, is that we just keep moving, and by god We will run so far. We will explore the worlds everyone else refuses to believe in, we will save the world countless times and we will see so much, with nothing ever holding us back again. She will be an idiot. She will be the biggest idiot i've ever met. Everyone will look at us and say "Grow up!", and we'll look back at them and say "never."
If any girl answers never to that, she's the one man. Don't ever let her go, ok?
I will say with no hesitation that I love her. And she will say it back. And we'll be just a pair of idiots in love. I can't imagine anything better.
One day, man. One day.
Maybe for you, that days already come.
Oliver, aged 18.
Sent 5 years to the future, from May 23rd, 2015 to 15 days ago
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