Sup faggot

Dear FutureMe, Ok if you're still using that hotmail account at 27, then you're definitely winning! Fuck man, 5 long years... I doubt you'll even get this, but if by some act of god you do then I have to tell you something... You....are....an absolute fucking legend. Seriously man you're the best dude I know. Funny as hell, devilishly good looking, and so generously kind - always putting me before anyone else, i actually feel spoilt for it. So how's the band? I'm sure by now you're touring the world, playing surfy indie psych to thousands with ol Ricky Burke. How are the groupies? Getting daily bjs from randoms? Shibby, future five! But seriously happy birthday!!!!!! You didn't think I'd forget did you? Ya silly goose. I know you fairly well. Now back to you. Fuck man I can't get over how much of a sick cunt you are. Funniest dude in my opinion. Then again we so have many inside jokes together, me and you. Or is it me and me? Ahhhhh you! You know what? You've earn't yourself a handjob. Unless you have a girlfriend now.. Wait a sec.. Don't tel me you're....MARRIED?? *shrieks of excitement* OMG OMG WHAAAAT?? Wait what's that? No? You're not married? Well this is awkward, I'll bet you're reading this crying, drinking alone on your birthday because you've become a cynical asshole after the big break up with what's her face... Or you do have a gf and she's sucking your dick riiiiight now. Future ten! Know what? Future bump my fist, bump the shit out of my fist. Seriously bump your own fist immediately. Anyways gotta get back to fucking up at work, i am an apprentice after all. Do you own Schindler yet? Whatever, goodbye me carrabs You lovingly, Me from the past P.s. If you still live at home, my next email will contain instructions on how to kill yourself