A letter from July 19th, 2013

Dear FutureMe, If you are reading this letter know that I am glad because it means you lived through the worst. So by now, you've more than likely be standing on your own. Maybe you've found the man in your life, maybe not. But if you did I wonder if he can surpass him. I doubt it. By now you are happy because by now you are no longer living through the cycle of nightmare. It's worse when you are a child or even young adult. You are alone and scared. Maybe you are still in counseling, maybe not. By now you have cast out people who are not important in your life, people who hurt you. By now you have choice. I have nightmares. I'm always scared. It's always the same nightmare. I haven't been able to sleep peacefully for a very long time. So perhaps you've found the solution to it by now? I feel I have failed myself. But I swear I'll find myself. I'm going to live, I'm going to survive. This won't last forever. I'll find myself. I'm so scared. I feel dislocated from reality. I feel utterly alone. But you'll be okay, I know. You will be fine. You are going to get through this. I have lost my faith in God. I'm sorry for the ****** experiences that ruined my belief. The truth is I lost my fight a long time ago. I was a child and I lost my fight. I was alone. He left me. He wasn't there when I was going through hell. He didn't hold me in my darkest moment. And he was all I had. I was tired of fighting. I was worn out. I was exhausted. I lost my fight. I lost myself. But I swear I'll get through this. If you are reading this now, I'm happy. It means you've walked through hell and survived it. You are going to be fine. Tschüss!