19 today, Happy Birthday!

Dear Future Me, In 2004, you were 16-and-some, attending GSGA and becoming a rising star in the music department but failing in many others, including Maths and Physics and other things that seem easy but were actually just easily forgettable. You were wondering what you would do after high school, what career pathway to take, though you knew that it had to have something to do with science or you'd be bored out of your ricketty cranium. You knew that your parents wouldn't be able to pay for your tertiary education, and you avoided thinking about the financial rut you'll be in (if you got into university at all) and growing up and facing the real world, et cetera. Normally, you were completely immersed in the present day, your little existence, and how brilliant you were. You were insecure, somewhat ostracised, but you were recovering from the second year of high school (it was now nearing the end of your third... and the Level 1 exams which you did not seize the time to study for) in which you unwittingly (detail still in doubt) established yourself as a loner who hated the world. Your closest friend that year was Katya; she saw in you a genius who was passionate about life. Katya was widely regarded as bizarre. She was also the object of much of the year's confusion. If, by the time you're reading this, you and she are still friends, I, the 'you' in 2004, am much surprised indeed. Where are you now? Out of high school for 9 months or so, are you in university or taking a gap year or sleeping in a gutter? Ask yourself whether where you are in life makes you content, and whether you are on a path that will get you where you want to go. (I hope you know where you want to go.) It is vitally important that, with the time you have in your pre-career youth, you get yourself in the best position possible from which you can launch into the future, the rest of your life. You wasted lots of time a few years back to get ahead of the pack. If you haven't made up for it yet, you better get onto it now. In 2004, you were somewhat unhealthily attached to the internet, especially online journals. You were - though you hated this - quite egotistical and egocentric, and tried many times to quit this hazardous habit. The internet ruined all attempts at time-management and prioritising, but never ceased to appeal to you, in its freedom, vastness and possibilities. You wanted to travel around the world (who doesn't?) and you wanted to fall in love. You wanted to know what sex feels like, but you still couldn't watch kissing on TV without hiding behind your hands and grimacing with embarrassment. You were determined that you'd never have a child of your own - that you'd adopt an orphan from a third world country. You had a vivid idea of your dream home... with Greek pillars, 'curtain walls' and terraced swimming pools next to the sea. You somehow knew that you would never be able to buy this home by your own efforts, that it would only become a reality if you married someone filthily rich, which will be unlikely. I hope that by now, you have fully exploited all your talents, because up till 2004, you hadn't had the nerve or the determination to strive for the very top. (You were forever distracted, unsure and procrastinating.) I also hope that you are less severe in criticising yourself, because often you would deprecate yourself to the point of crippling your mind with doubt and loathing. You knew you had good in you, but often, to you, the bad things overshadowed the good and the potential you had. You wanted to be better than everyone else - you were not, and weren't satisfied with mediocrity, so you beat yourself up over it instead of working to get yourself to the top. This was your main problem. What is it now? Think about that, and how you can most effectively fix it, instead of perpetually whining about, and regretting, your inaction. (See the irony?) In September 2004, your grandfather was alive (and I hope he still is) and you didn't call him nearly enough. He was 72/73 (nobody knows for sure) and had just had his eye operation. You wanted very much to talk to him, but didn't know what to say, so were irrationally afraid to call him. Don't be stupid. Call him. Call him often, and call dad and mum and all your friends as much as you can without seeming unusually needy... because one day you'll regret not doing so. At 16, you saw much of the world's goings-on as inevitably human. You generally paid 'rapt attention' to the world, and pondered often the nature of politics, science and humanity. Compared to most of your peers, you had quite a lot of things figured out. You loved the Discovery, National Geographic and History channels. They loved you. I'm telling you all this so that you can compare notes with me. How much have you changed? Where has all this led you? Have you taken charge of your life or is it still dragging *you* around? Have you stuck to your goals or lived like tofu? The bottom line is... your self in the past cares a whole heck of a lot about you in the future. She wanted the best for you, as did a lot of people around you. Don't disappoint. Love, You, of 2004 PS. You better stay alive to read this.