Just to let you know

Dear FutureMe, Happy Birthday. How are you doing now? What are you doing now? I sure do hope you have moved way beyond from where you are now. Well, I of course hope you still have your husband and your wonderful daughter. What I am talking about is how I hope you have spent these last years forfilling your hopes and dreams and gotten your emotions under control. Let me tell you about me. And let me hope and wish you might as well be reading about a stranger because your life is so different now. You know, like that letter you wrote and forgot about for years. Reading that letter was like readig something a stranger had written. Anyway, these days I'm having days of feeling depressed and hopeless. I love my daughter dearly. I could never leave her. I lost a pregnancy not long ago. My third lost pregnancy so that is tough on me. I don't really know how to deal with it. It saddensme to think about how I could have had 4 children by now. I also feel guily because I feel like it's not fair to my baby to feel bad about losing the other babies. When my baby is upset because she wants my full attention all the time I sometimes feel so exhausted and like a bad mother for not being able to do everything at once. I try to remember she just wants to spend time with me. I still have no education - have started a ton og them but haven't finished any yet. Have you finished any education? I dream of getting into movies. Did you succeed in it and are you actually making money from it? Sometimes I try and remind myself of the sentence: What would you do if you were not afraid? I would do so many thing, so what is holding me back. And why do I always want more and more. I wish I could just be happy and content about what I have. I live in the city, I have a husband and baby. Three of my dreams. And if I can have that, I can have more, can't I? I'm very stressed out due to financial problems. Are you still strugling with money? I want to live life with enough money to know every month will be okay. I want to be able to travel, buy a house, have a party..... I want lots of friends. I miss my friends. I want to loose weight. I want to be able to forfill my goals and believe in a future. Mostly, I want to be happy. I want to accept that I lost my pregnancies and move on. I want to have faith in myself. I want to be somebody. Are you somebody now? I want to be proud of myself. Are you proud of yourself? Are you truely happy? From me, friday, 30 juli 2004