A letter from Jan 27, 2025

Dear FutureMe, hey. today is 27/01/2025 and i'm having a pretty bad day. bad week, bad month. and it's still ******* january. at least today my dad agreed to meet with me on the weekend, although he still needs to confirm some stuff to see if he really can. but it's a start, i'm trying to fix my mistakes. don't know if i can apologise for it yet, but i can try rebuilding our relationship. if he wants that too. anyway, my friends have been ignoring me. except my best friend, she's awsome. i think she's the only one who really understands. you know the others have been upsetting us since last year. i always text first, the only one who asks, who invites, who tries. i can count on my fingers (in one hand!) how many times one of them texted first, wanting to hang out, to play dnd, to play video games together. in a group of five, it just feels very one sided. i hate confrontation so much that i just can't talk to them. and talking separately feels wrong. and when i ask to hang out, they do. and we have fun. so maybe i'm wrong. do you still feel like that? are they still your friends? please i hope you say yes. i hope you talked to them, maybe. this sounds more like a vent than a letter, but i guess it's both. you of all people know i don't have anyone to talk to. i sort of really need someone's shoulder to cry on, but alas. we have each other, right? one thing i can always count on. you too. i hope this letter finds you in a better state of mind, better than mine. hopefully better than ever. and i hope you write me back? does that sound weird, giving the fact that you're me and i'll be you. am i even going to be here in the future? there's a world where i wont be, but i guess you'll know the answer. it'll be winter by the time you see this, is it any good? i can't stand this heat. my headaches are back. taking pills and drops every single day. getting more stressed too. i dont know, maybe when the semester starts again i'll be better. i miss friends. i think i'll make better effort in hanging out with them. ive also been thinking about posting my poetry on tumblr. i guess we need to remember that the numbers really dont matter. we want to post it, we should. most out posts get zero notes, and it really doesnt bother me. expect nothing and dont get disappointed, right? this is maybe getting too long. just, be better? and i mean this with no resentment, i just dont want us to be so sad when we were just starting to heal. i'm trying to love you, maybe you already love me too. -hope.