A letter from Jan 22, 2025

Dear FutureMe, Tika, since yesterday I've been so **** stressed because of the dance for republic day. Everyone kept criticizing me and that was alright. I kept a smile on my face, accepted their criticism and tried to do better. But then a teacher laughed at me. And another one pointed at me saying anyone would laugh after they see me dance. The teacher incharge told me she'll kick me out of the group if I don't do better. My classmates felt better than them. They supported and helped me. I cried yesterday and spent the rest of the day wondering if I should leave the dance group myself or try again today. It reminded me of the annual day dance practice, at that time also I was so stressed. I was scolded again and again in front of everyone. Today I got ready all set to go to college and try again at dance but my friend said she won't be coming whom I go to college every day. She must have told me yesterday but I guess I forgot. I called my family to ask them to take me but they didn't pick up the phone. Now I'm just thinking, even though I took it as a sign from God, what impression will be left of me to my classmates? That I ran away. That I betrayed them. That I'm not to be trusted. They will see the true me, the lame me.. won't they? I'm never participating in dance again, atleast not until I learn to dance well and lose some weight. Because I'm so **** tired of all this mental work out. I don't care what others say or think, atleast I should pretend I don't for the sake of my heart. Thank you for listening to me, i just really really needed to talk to someone, to let it out. I hope you're having a better time than me. I wish the future is nice to me.