A letter from January 21st, 2025

Dear FutureMe, life sucks.
Lately I realized that I've always tried so hard to make everyone happy, to be loved by basically anyone. All my life I always wanted to be seen, but somehow I always ended up alone.
As a child I used to do everything my parents said and wanted, but they treated me badly anyways, always saying I wasn't doing enough.
Then there were my brothers, I didn't do anything to them, but they decided I wasn't enough for them either so they excluded me. Every time I tried to join them they would say that I was ruining everything. My parents knew all of that but they never really cared about it, they never tried to make them stop.I was never loved by my family, so at least I had my friends right? No. I did have a lot of friends, but they were never close to me. They wanted to hang out with me at school, but no more than that. They would never invite me to their birthdays or to their houses. I don't know why, but I was never enough to actually be considered a close friend.And as I realized I was alone in my house and in school, I went online, surely there was someone on the world that would see me and think I was enough.I was about 12 years old, and I used to talk to older guys online, I remember how they used to make me feel so good, they would always ask me how I was and always say that I was so beautiful and better than any other kid my age.They always seemed to care for me more than anyone else I met on real life, so when they started asking me for naked pictures I thought I had to do it, I felt like I somehow had to pay for their kindness and love. Of course now I know they never loved me, and they were only manipulating me, but it was not my fault that I had to go that far just to get some love and affection.
It's not fair to feel this bad for looking for attention when everyone denied it from me no matter how hard I tried. I wish anyone could just see me but it sometimes feels like I'm invisible and anytime I find someone that seems to care about me they always end up asking me for pictures or to have ***. No matter what I do I always end up alone. I'm about to be 19 and I've never been someone's best friend, I've never been someone's love interest and my parents have never appreciated me. All I've ever got since I'm 12 is people that want to have *** with me, that's all people want from me and nothing more.
Dear future me, even though I feel like life sucks right now, I won't give up, I will do what no one has done for us, I will give you a chance, maybe someday in the future you will find someone that will see us, I won't give up on us the way everyone else did.