A letter from Dec 04, 2024

Gurl, What a ******* year it's been man. You have grown in ways you can't imagine. You got the job, you got the man, heck you even got the degree. But I know you, I know how you feel when nobody's watching. Life is tough rn even when you have everything in place you're still sad. I don't know why. Maybe the things that you are right now ar3 the actions of your circumstance. You didn't imagine this for yourself 10 years ago back in junior high. Well **** happens, I should be thankful for a roof over my head and a God that provides plenty but I feel so guilty about feeling sad all the time. You think that him proposing is going to fix your mood but you're tired of waiting and expecting things. Good things do not happen to people like us and expecting just makes me sad. So while you look forward to this year, I hope you learn how to stop expecting things. You will never receive the love you give because nobody does it like you. You may or may not be able to live out your dreams to travel the world and he might never get it. He might never get why you don't like involving people in your life because you have just been let down so many times that you can't stand them. He might never get the mistrust because you've been betrayed by people you once called your own. You might never receive the love you give and the affection you pour out on people. But I want you to know that you are a stupid woman. Please learn your lessons well and do NOT expect things from people. Do NOT do things for people. Everybody doesn't hate you but nobody likes you either. And if you're still sad about the way you look then it's okay! You are a functioning human and I think you have a lot to appreciate yourself for. Maybe you'll never be that pretty girl, maybe he never makes you feel that way. So your best bet is to make yourself feel pretty. Experience stuff this year out of your comfort zone_ Visit the post office, write letters. Make that idiotic plant/flower scrap book. Step out of the house. I dare you to quit Nico! See I do not have anything positive to say at the moment. But I hope you don't feel the need to be loved and appreciated by others. Do yourself a favor and learn to embrace things when it doesn't go your way. Some people are always meant to be sad with random moments of joy once in a blue moon. You just need to hang in there till you make it to the random moments of joy. Also, quit putting yourself down. Many people do many embarrassing things, many make mistakes. It's alright because like you they too stare at their ceilings in the night and cringe about themselves. Please boast your self esteem any how man, you used to be so happy before. Try to treat yourself better because no one will. Get that Ego Trip. Get that No Expectation Rule. Get the IDGAF back girl. I'm always here. And I'll always have your back. Now break a leg this year! Love, Young me, in the club with some morph Ps - It's okay if things don't work out. Maybe they'll be ashamed for a year or two and you'll feel you would never meet someone. But you need to respect yourself a little more or set boundaries. If it fails it wasn't true love. It is all mendable because you're still young. I love you