A letter from Dec 29, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Its been a while since I wrote one of these, even though I first wrote one in 2020. Getting them back, they were funny to look back on and cringe at my covid-self, especially for exaggerating how bad things were when really they werent bad at all. Enough yapping, i get told I do that too much. But I just have so much to say, so it hurts getting told that im talking too much, or that I need to keep my mouth shut more. Anyways, hows life? Hows things? Did you get with your unrequited? How did your GCSE's go? Did we get into the sixth form we applied for? I'm predicted 7s, 8s, and 9s now, but I doubt i'll be able to keep that up, since Ive got until May before the real thing. I truly hope I get in to my preferred sixth form, I dont know what I'll do otherwise. I dont really have any friends right now. I mean, theres one, and we're proper best friends too, but we always make plans to hang out which never end up happening. I hope thats only because its cold, but I get too anxious to ask people to hang out incase they think im weird, because everyone at school seems to hate me. Its mainly because I have red hair, which in turn means that everything I do is automatically weird or wrong, even when someone else with the same hair colour has done the same thing, but with them its funny, right, and cool. Im ever so grateful that I was lucky enough to get a laptop for christmas, because I really needed one for my coursework. Though I feel bad anyways, I always feel bad, and so I always say sorry. I feel pain deep down- Knowing that my mother had to work even more nightshifts than she does usually so we could afford it. Shes always sleeping because of it, and I have to cook dinner, but she really is the most wonderful, kind, considerate person I have ever grown to know and love dearly, with all my heart. In ten years' time, I want to live in a house with big windows, I want the house to be large enough to have a kitchen table with four chairs, But not too roomy to ever feel the depth of my aloneness. Because I'll probably be alone. But I think aloneness won't be so all-consuming with windows that protect me from the world, but still let me watch it. Yours literally, -E