A letter from Dec 27, 2024

Dear FutureMe, so the past year has been terrible. i developed POTS. it’s terrible. i never knew it could be this bad. the past week ive felt like im starving… because of the food related issues. but i just pray someday ill look back at my lowest & realize how far i came. maybe ill fit my dreams by then. there’s so much more i could write. like so much .. i am so let down by this year. i just pray in another year you’re still here . and things have improved. only corlanor has improved my Heart rate a bit. but so much is still here(dizziness & eating issues) i just feel ….. i can’t get lower. i’m terrified daily. and i’m venting this all here just to see if my absolute lowest has improved. i really hope so…. i don’t know what to do if it hasn’t. but i feel like you’ve grown. and all this has been for the better. you’re stronger. and you came out of it perfectly. you will get through it, i swear. . i’m trying to believe it but it’s so hard. i cry so often. i miss my life. i miss my friends. and i miss school. i miss not being worried of dying .. this is all so scary