A letter from Dec 21, 2024

Dear FutureMe, white ferrari has been on repeat unnececarily and december 17, me nd him aren't a thing anymore. we're friends. i dont think thats gonna continue. i may be going to mit jan 24-26th to do a scioly comp. samiksha posted. i feel so ugly. she has everything i want, and not want, but need. her teeth are so perfectly aligned, her lips are perfect, her eyes are so cute and gorgeous, nd her face shape lets her look good with a ponytail and without. she looks like me except completely much prettier and with elevated features. she has the same interests and music taste as me. i feel as if he would've fought for me to stay if i were to be someone like her, or even be her in general. i dont blame him at all. i want to **** myself on that mit trip, i may or may not go as apparently it's gonna be decided w/ mr hussain tmr between mrs bal and him. i really hope i either get better by then or its finally my chance to leave. i poured a lot into him and i do understand that he wasnt meant to be here for my life, and that's okay but i cant deal with the fact im never going to be someones everything. i am so grateful i could live this year for 8th grade. i am so grateful and thankful for january-february 2024. best years of my life so far, and they forever will be. thank you so much. i don't regret him but i am resentful for the person i am. my mind wanders to the person i could've been for him to stay and fight for me and never say the things he said before. i will never forget the happy attacks i used to get in bed after he said the most brain chemically changing thing to me. im so thankful. idk if i will be alive to read this bc im too ***** to do a lotta stuff. i wish he cares like i did. but i can keep wishing. i lowk gotta grind in like 40 minutes so i got that going for me. yeah ! i just feel ugly asf because i couldve been prettier and he couldve loved me more enough to stay. he's had convos w samiksha and honestly i had the compliments he used to give me replay in my head when i see her posts or face and i see how much more fitting it would be if they were given to her, she deserves it more. anyways! he pisses me tf off its wtv