A letter from Dec 18, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Things are... complicated... Are you still alive? I know you've made young mistakes. And you might be confused... It's the start I wanted to stop obsessing over him... I don't understand people anymore. I've reached to multiple suicide Hotlines hoping to find answers... But understand that it's just the confusion state, ig. Yes the signs might make you seem like an attention seeker and a narcissist... Your friends make you feel miserable and you know it's all a big misconception. What can you do about that? Nothing. If you ignore them... Then hopefully you'll be alone again. That'll be great. wouldn't it? By now I'm sure I don't like Abhi. He's attention grabbing I can say that. Though I'm not that confident to show it... He uses emotional attention grab. I'm not good with people... I desperately need love but I just feel like I'm not capable of that. I'm filled with self hatred... **** I'd **** to stay alone now. Imagine living just alone... Doing your work. eating ice cream walking with earphones... Not socialising... It's all just exhausting. Though they consoled me about spending more time with them... somewhere it doesn't feel right. I don't like how they were blaming me when I didn't know they were leaving... Do I ignore them? WHat do I do? I badly need a ciggerette. I don't feel like going to college again. Just like how I didn't want to go to coaching because I didn't like people in there. I didn't fit in... I don't know what to do. Hopefully you do...