A letter from Nov 21, 2024

Dear future me, happy birthday! This is me from 2024. Right now its november 20th..midnight is soon and im staying up, idk what im doing. Its been rough this past few months. The thought of the future is one of the only things keeping me going. I've already written a letter to myself in the future, but i dont think I did a good job on that one..plus i wanted something that i would recieve sooner. I hope that by the time you're seeing this you have all you ever wanted. I'm not gonna try and hide it anymore, I'll explain things and worst case scenario you can delete this email and read it while it's in the trash. I hope you're going to a real school, with real irl friends. I hope that you're still in contact with all you're online friends too. I hope you moved, and you have your own cool room and some nice art tools where you can draw all the art you want. I have a feeling that if all of that happens, you'll probably be tiktok famous by now, like I always wanted. I also know for a fact that we're still hyperfixated on hazbin, which reminds me, how was s2? I bet you're having a nice day right now, being happy like you always wanted and wondering, why did you ever even worry? Im worrying a lot right now. I keep telling myself that my wishes will come true, that the reality I dream of will come along soon, but It's hard to keep believing. It's hard. I wonder what I did to deserve this..maybe i ******** someone in a past life, idk. But it must've been pretty bad. I really dont want much. Everyone always calls me selfish but I really would be happy if I could just have my social media, and do my schoolwork(without having to do gifted). I would be happy enough to draw, and I would post that art, see people like it, and feel even happier. Why doesn't anyone get that my needs are so simple? I'd be happy to stop being so mean if I lived like that... Right now im just in my bed. It's a normal day, for the most part. As normal as a day can get. I have so much hate. For everything. Everything I know I cant change, everything I could've had..how is it fair I can't do anything about any of it? Im a bystander in my own life. Im not even a teen and I have to live with all of this. I just want it to end. I really hope someone, somewhere, takes pity on me, writing this dumb little letter to my future self, and grants my wishes once and for all. I just wanna be happy without giving something up. In this world thats not exactly possible, with every action always having an equal opposite. Everyday people out there have it so much worse, so I bet my wishes aren't much of a priority. But again, I dont want much. It wouldn't take much to make me happy. Everytime I wish i always say the same thing. I hope with all my heart someone really is out there, but deep down I dont think anyones listening. I hope when this reaches me, things are alright. I hope I have a great birthday, and I hope for once the happiness I feel wont be temporary. I have a feeling im reading this message while im laying in bed, and its late. Future me, take a second to look out the window(wherever it is), and breathe in the air. If the window opens to the roof, then go sit on it. Just take a few seconds to look. Look around, or down. Take a deep breath of the air. Feel it as you breathe it in. Think of everything you've been through, all the things you take for granted everyday. All of your best memories, and your worst. The times you laughed and felt genuinely happy, the times you cried over things you knew you couldn't change. No matter how happy you are, dont forget this feeling i have today, The hopelessness of knowing the way things are sometimes. Remember how it feels, and be grateful for everything you have. Always. You've been through a lot, and you're gonna face more. But if things are alright when you're seeing this, have hope that they're gonna be alright later, too. With that, I hope you have a happy birthday. Say hi to everyone for me. Hug lucky. Post this. I think im gonna head to sleep now. I promise I'll try my hardest to make a good future for myself in the way I see fit, no matter how hard it is. - Love, Mika :] 11/20/24 PS: are the stick n poke tatoos still visible? I bet not..