A letter from Nov 09, 2024

hoe. now that i got that off my chest, happy birthday, you ******* ******. you're older and none the wiser, but like, at least 9th grade is over and you're 16, so that cool. you made it, here's your ******* trophy for it: 🏆 anyway, i hope you're doing well and that you're still dating robert, because that poor tosser ain't making it out alive unless he has something to live for. i also hope that you punched jasmin on your last day of school, because oh my god, i hate that anthropomorphic ovarian cyst. i hope you punched her in the brow and made her bleed. now that i read that paragraph, i sound like psychotic but who cares? i hope you got into that school you wanted, cause i've sworn to **** myself if i don't get into that ******* school, so no pressure sweetie, i'm sure you made the right choice. 16 is lowkey an impressive age, you're only two years away from adulthood after all. uh... what else? hopefully your lists are shorter, because oh my god, this is just... insane. this is nowhere near as heartfelt as those sappy ******* depression-fueled ramblings i wrote for the last day of school and your 20th birthday, because now i'm in a lowkey better headspace than then. anywho, happy birthday one last time. i love you, ***** -laura