30

Dear Future Me Dear future me. Happy 30th Birthday, And if you're reading this, it means that the world hasn't ended. Though probably, the US is at war somewhere in the middle east, and maybe...in North Korea. If in your time, the US is fighting China, then say goodbye to everything you love cause it's fucking over. But if there is relative peace, I am surprised and happy for you. How is your career going? Because today, as I write this to you, it's the most important thing to me. Is it fear or just ambition that drives me so I often wonder? Is it true passion, what I feel, or just a desire to make myself feel like my life is meaningful? By now you should know, and I hope that there is more happiness than regret in your life because you were unhappy for so long and it would be a shame if that were the case again now. But in any case, despite your best efforts, you've probably made a mistake or two between now and where you are. I can't predict the future, but I hope that whatever injury you suffered was worth it and made you a better person. Do you still like The Killers? Phoenix? The Postal Service? or have they passed out of your life? Music is always dated. Like for instance, I had unconditional love for third eye blind, untll I turned 22. Something happened and suddenly, their music represented an era of my life that was passed. I could no longer relate to either the time period or the music that defined it. Has that happened yet? I expect so. In fact, I expect that you listen to music less often. You should be busy, too busy with work and career to care about music. Where are you living? At 25 you hated Los Angeles and dreamt of living abroad. if you forget why you never took off, it's because you were much too committed to establishing yourself here. You told yourself you could not live with yourself if you ran away for the purpose of adventure. You wanted to make something of yourself. You had the hardest time earning respect not from friends or lovers or peers but from yourself. Why were you always so ashamed of your past, and the mistakes you made? Let me remind your of your more trivial wants: skyline, beautiful clothes, paris asia anytime, good food. minor fame. Have all your desires been met? Your plan was art feature by 27, commercial feature by 29, and commercial success by 30. I hope things have worked out for you. You work hard, and deserve to be happy. Did you ever get to make The Great Gatsby Shanghai or has that desire fled? Do you still love poetry? I don't read much, fiction like much of life has become a bore. The only time really you feel anything is poetry or film. Is that still the case? Do you still love football? Do you still want to call your first boy Tom Brady? Who is left in your life these days? Here I am twenty five years old and already so many people whom were close are strangers now. I should expect worse. I have not become warmer over the years. The facade, the public face has become prettier by practice and practicality, but underneath it's still quite ugly. I am an ugly person, always have been. Who are your friends? Have you retained any? Do you feel alone, and if so, do you believe that is the price you pay for your success? At twenty I could not imagine marriage. But at fifteen, I could not imagine being twenty-five. Nor at twenty. Are you in love? Is love still possibile? I predict that you're married or very single. You have little passion for women at 25, but maybe that's just a condition of your disinterest with people in general. Are you still hateful or has it developed into something like mild indifference? I hope that latter because all that hate you had made you a miserable human being. Where is Julianna? Have things become ruined between you and her? You didn't think it was possible for someone to chhse away so many lovers in a single lifetime but were you wrong? You made a lot of promises to her. I hope you kept your word. Where is Tara? Is she still friends with you, or have you forgotten each other? Do you still hate ..4? Or has time made her permissible? How are our sisters? Jackie is practicing medicine now, or not? Is she happy? Are you two still close? Do you only see each other only on holidays or special occasions? You didn't want it to be this way, but has it happened? Do you feel it too, is a price you pay for success? How is Christie? Has she made a success of herself? How is your father? When was the last time you saw him? How is your mother? Did you buy her that house yet, or are you still making promises and promises. Honestly, I hope everything I dreamt of, came true. I hope in the years since we last met, you've continued to work hard. I hope you have not lost focus or desire, and have stayed the course. I know life can be difficult, and you felt for a long time you were becoming colder, less human but in the end, that was the only way you do make something of yourself. Look around you, this is not the life you want for the future. Nothing comes without cost my friend. In the chance, however, that you are not the person you dreamt of becoming, that the life you possess is not the one your heart designed then I am sorry. Don't look back in anger, just know that you did the very best you could and that is all anyone, including you, could ask. Despite my concerns, the future looks bright. I hope at 30 you are still independant and strong and have passion for justice and fairness and speaking for the underspoken. I still hope family is your priority, I hope you still believe in loyalty. I hope that even if you relent much, you retain your values and the heart of yourself. Try not to be so sad about the past, it's not as good as you chose remember. 09.05.06