A letter from Aug 08, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Happy Birthday. I'm now going to ruin it for you. Its funny. I can recognise everyone in our group-photo, but I'm not there. They always take photos without me. Every recent photo, I'm not there. Theres always Zamu Myatt, Scarlett Davis, Ella Swan, Phoebe Hewitt and Althea Nopia. But never me. Even Ellas profile picture is of the group, and I'm not in it. I'm never in it. I broke up with Zamu yesterday because I lost feelings. We were together for 6 months. I feel like an *******. I just left her. And I said sorry, but it doesn't matter. I don't deserve their trust of friendship. I also always get left out with Elise and Emilie. So I decided to hang out with Ella Stewart and Violet. Ella and Violet always try to include me, but I just get bored of playing the "happy and stable friend". I'm always stuck with other peoples feelings and I'm expected to know everyone and tell them how to solve it. And I do know how to solve it. I Always do. No matter what the Issue is, I've been through something similar. Parents forcing you to be religious, Parents fighting and breaking up. Being left out. ED. SA. SH. All of it. I hope the future is better. I really do. But for now. I'll continue to cut and hate myself. Because I don't know what to do. We're getting rid of Fang on Monday next week. (Its Tuseday) That'll be fun.. SO much fun. Its not like she's the only thing stopping me from ******* myself. But hey, who cares? Not my friends. Not my family. Not even strangers. I tried to tell my mum that I can't eat with out throwing up, and she said It'll be fine and did nothing about it. So. Happy birthday. And I hope you are still alive.. You should be turning 13!.. So cool... Highschool treating you well? Well I really don't care. I'm probably dead right now. I hope I am. Anyways! Good night!