A letter from Jul 27, 2024

Dear FutureMe, Hey i know you already received a a letter from me but that was more a reply to my 17-18. this is for my 19 brithday eve i just want to remind you of maybe little details you may have forgotten or probably not because, time is passing so fast and i rmbr 17 like it was yesterday. anyways depressing: i feel unimportant, i feel so average at everything. idk how to change it or where to start, or maybe i do and i’m just being lazy, i hate who i am not just my looks or house or face or whatever superficial things that can easily be changed with motivation i hate me. the way i think, my lack of self discipline: which i talk SO much about but don’t do anything about it. you’re older and wiser, so what’s wrong with me? psycho analyze me. isn’t that what might be doing anyway psychology? an average course. i know this sounds harsh but i’ve got so many bad qualities i know everyone does but mine are so fundamental like self control, hard work, fairness , all things that make people good idk how to change the way i am like why do i refuse to do what i KNOW will benefit me? why do i always want the easy way out? this is just a sad little rant, dw you get my other slightly more upbeat letter today as well tomorrow you’re 19 a big girl probably not, yk i still feel 15, sometimes j even still feel 13 in my year 8 classroom, in my ugly uniform still hating everything about myself i’ve wasted sk much time/opportunities/happy memories and yk how much ‘wasting’ is my biggest fear like i think it’s a phobia at this point wasting a memory, wasting an opportunity feeling that way physically pains me no one rlly cares that i’m turning 18 i feel like it’s a bit of an inconvenience they have to celebrate me when j don’t think there’s anything to celebrate we’ll this life is supposed to break you and the next one js eternal