A letter from Jul 26, 2024

Dear FutureMe, You're in a bit of a weird spot right now. Life is humming along. The kids are doing alright. Career is weird...never thought we'd get into crypto but...here we are. But all in all, not bad. Here are some things to keep an eye on. 1. Your marriage is starting to require more effort. And you are selfish. Your husband is who he is and you love him for it, but he's not going to change his stripes in some of the critical areas that you accepted when you married him. He's never going to be a romantic. He's never going to be passionate. He'll always have a hard time making room for you on his turf. Not because he's a bad person, but because he is him. You always knew he'd require more patience in those areas and that you'd need to pick up the slack for both of you. It bothers you, but it's never been the most important part. He has the most important parts. So remember when you get frustrated, when you don't want to and when you wish he'd give you the kind of passion that you see on tv: he doesn't have those parts, but he has the most important parts. Augustus wants to share what he cares about the most with YOU. You're his person and he wants more than anything to share his love and his interests with you. This is the most beautiful thing a person can do with their partner. Cherish it and return it in kind. He wants to know what is most important to you too. When you find those things, share them. He will love them because you love them. Augustus wants to build with YOU. He sees your ambition and he doesn't ever try to dampen it. Use his support as the super power that it is. He's ambitious too, and if you tell him what you want to do, he will apply that ambition to you personally. Most importantly, he will never sabotage you. He is not a small man. Finally, Augustus loves you honestly and openly. He's not jealous. He's not mean. He is even tempered and he wants to see your perspective. So return that to him and try to see his. He is a good man who loves you. 2. The kids are getting older. It's beautiful and sad. You can't control it and you can't stop it. It's a part of life and you have to be willing to watch them and guide them as they go. Let go of the fact that you failed them in the past. You've done a great job moving past that part of their lives and yours, but if you free yourself from the chains of that moment in time, you'll be able to connect with them without the shame of that failure hanging over your head. You're going to get there, but when they start asking more questions, face them honestly and with love-for them and for yourself. Nur is getting older. She's going to strike out soon. Please get through the frustration of her fast talking-quick fire ADHD rants and connect with her. It's so easy to write her off when she's like that, but don't do it. Stick with her. You won't have much more time with her like this. Watch Luna. She's becoming someone you can't altogether relate to and the natural and easy nature of that relationship is changing. Practice patience and be diligent with her when she worries about things that you know don't actually matter in the grand scheme. They matter very much to her in the moment and a lack of attention to her worries could build mal adaptive behaviors in her. You gotta try to strike a balance-not too much hand wringing, but enough to let her know you care. Keep close to Elle. She lives a very different experience than the other two. They walk around the world in bodies that make it easy to adapt and get by. Elle internalizes her feelings and tends to eat them before she ever gets the instinct to talk about them. And maybe you don't have to talk if she doesn't want to, but you do have to make yourself available. Touch, hand squeezes, hugs. These mean the world to her. Stay close while she still wants to. 3. In as much as possible-disengage from Mom. She is stuck in a way that you can't fix. She's needy, obsessive and can't take responsibility for her actions. I know you think you're hard on her, and in some ways you really are. After all, we don't get a redo and she can't pay for the way she raised you forever. Don't judge her failures based on the opportunities you've given your children. That said, you haven't felt that she loves you for a very long time. She's never tried to build a good faith relationship with you based on who the two of you are as individuals and it doesn't seem that she's interested in connecting with you beyond what you can do for her. So don't feel bad for the boundaries you need to create for your heart. Keep visiting Dad. Keep helping where it makes sense. But don't, I beg of you, get tangled up in her ****. Or any of their **** for that matter. Life is far too short to live small. 4. Girl, figure you out a little more. I know you've been trying. I know it's exhausting, but NOBODY IS GOING TO GIVE YOU PERMISSION AND YOU DON'T NEED IT. Just ******* do it. If you really want to try to buy a business and launch it: Do it. If you want to experiment with things that might spark passion: Do it. If you want to indulge in a season of pleasure and gratification: Do it. Do all the the living things. You put yourself off so much, not because you have to, but because it's convenient and because exploring who you are is actually exhausting and kind of sad. You get lonely. So lonely. You get bored in a way that never actually sparks creativity. When you experience wonder, it's always tinged with sadness. When you experience joy, you always feel like you're doing too much. When you take something for yourself, you always think you're hopelessly selfish. When you're bold, you think that you're harsh and mean spirited. **** ALL OF THAT. SPEND YOUR TIME DOING. *******. DO. As always, I love you. So ******* much. See you next year.