A letter from Jul 24, 2024

Dear FutureMe, You told truth to your family on this birthday. It was embarassing but you did the right thing. You also consistently meditated for long time. You have also apologized for your wrong doings. You have always tried to improve yourself so that you don't trouble others. You have done your responsibilities even if it was tedious. Whatever you are going through, know that this is you. But you always highlight your shortcomings and shrug away your positives and achievements. You are enough. You have done enough and I'm sure you'll keep doing enough even if you don't feel like it. Next, I want to ramp things up. I imagine, what if I did everything that I'm afraid of and everything that I should do that I don't feel like doing. That sounds really interesting to me. Like giving interviews, going to gym, going for walks, joining some classes, solo travelling, talking to strangers, asking for a hike, doing freelancing, learning some skill, meditating for 2 hours daily. That all sounds so interesting on paper but don't think they'll remain interesting as I start doing it. But I'll surely feel good about myself. Don't dream small but don't just keep dreaming. I want to make all that happen but for that I need to practice dealing with my emotions I guess. I feel urge to not be bored, to procrastinate, to avoid social situations. If I learn to deal with these I'm unstoppable. I can then stay consistent, do hard things, have mental clarity and energy. Then I can start focusing on helping others and focus less on myself. Its perfectly fine to not do any of these as long as you are enjoying your life. You are in an upward spiral, everything is just getting better. Wait and watch.