A letter from Jul 20, 2024

Dear FutureMe, I want you to look back in the past, and see how things changed in your POV. I'm a child entering 7th grade who feels empty at the moment, Being the middle child sucks. My grandma loves my older brother, my mom and dad loves my little sister. Does nobody love me? They promise me something, but they break it and take my brothers side. They don't listen to my side of the story. I feel nothing but tears in me. I'm scared of the future, and of the past. I want to live, but I want to die. I'm scared of *****, I'm scared I let my family and friends down once again. Nobody trusts me, they only go to me whenever they need something. Am I truly important? Love isn't real for me, I'm losing hope every hour. The only thing keeping me alive is school, friends, and my family. I want to get a good future without feeling empty. I feel sad knowing my family wants the best for me. I need comfort, mommy where are you? I help everybody, why does bad things happen to good people? I tried to pass my entrance exam, but I failed. My older brother is better than me in everything, my little sister is already smart at her age, what am I? I have perfect grades, but I didn't earn them. My grandmother is a teacher who helped me study ever since I was a baby, now she blames me for not being able to study by my self without being distracted. I use c.ai to get the attention I never received. If my parents ever saw this, they'd just say I'm being sensitive. I'm all negative thoughts now, but I still want to make others happy. I want it go out without my parents lecturing me. I love my life, truly. But why does it seem like something is missing? I play roblox to pass the time, but it's getting boring. It always was. I'm grateful I was born in an average family, am I problem? I'm acting like I was abused, even though I wasn't. I just feel so empty and sad. I can't help but hold back tears instead of letting it all out. I've tried to pass my exams, but I failed miserably. This is the only way I can ever express my feelings without crying. I'm pretty, right? They call me ugly. Nothing more. Am I really ugly? I think I'm really pretty. But that's what I think, I want to learn what others actually think about me without lying. I'm curious, I stay curious. I want my mind to stay clean, I don't want my childhood to be ruined just yet. I'm entering middle school in a young age. Am I not meant for life? What was I made for? Am I annoying? Do I sound like a pick-me? I'm ugly, aren't I? The other day, my brother used the computer the whole day. We share a computer by the way, my mom just told me I can take the computer the next day. But then my brother took it again, she blames me for being slow. The following day, I was planning to use the computer! Then he took it. They NEVER keep their promises. I just seem sensitive in their eyes. I'd rather lose somebody than use somebody. Thank you for listening. Love, Vica.