A letter from Jul 18, 2024

Hey it’s you, again. In all honesty, life has been spiraling downhill, junior year was the worst year so far, you were ineligible for wrestling half the time, you did awful, and well we lost a person that we loved, that we still love. Recently I’ve been thinking about her a lot, June 28th would have been our first year together but sadly we didn’t see what was coming, within this year I hope you move on, god knows I want to at least, they say remember the good and the bad times from your relationships, year here I am remembering everything from her, she was amazing, we both know that. But it was her decision in the end, you couldn’t have done nothing about, sure maybe it could’ve been prevented but I’m done trying to think that things could have worked out, atp it’s just tearing me apart, I keep going back to times where we would talk on the phone, whenever we would go on a date, rehearse what I would have said in different situations, but I doubt that would have fixed anything, I still feel like that time at the movies was the issue, she said it wasn’t but was it really? I mean how the hell did we forget to even pay the ticket, sure her sister payed in advance but how did we forget to pay her ticket? Maybe things would be different now if we payed, maybe it wouldn’t. I miss her a lot, she was our best friend, our girlfriend. And now she’s nothing but a stranger that we know. We don’t even talk anymore, I hope she’s doing well, she’ll always have a special play in my heart, but I have to move on. Thinking about her is ruining you. But I guess that’s because you really did love her, I don’t think I’ve loved someone like this before. I mean she was the first, but I did want her to be the last. I hope when you read this in a year you learn to live with these hard feelings. Though we’ve already accepted that she’s no longer ours we’re still attached to her, I’m not saying to move on so fast, don’t rush your feelings, just take your time if you still think about her, eventually we’ll have to let her go, though she is free in the world, she not in our head. Take all the time that you need, I know this will take a while. They say all wounds heal with time but this is situation is a whole surgery, a slow one at that. I just wish we could talk but I doubt it would change anything. Yet I still love her. I wished her the best. Just promise me this, during your Senior year you lock in, show that you can do better than the past 3 years, I’m serious. All this time you’ve said you’ll do better year you’ve only been sinking, let’s patch the boat up and start moving again, we know I can do it, I’m smart and talented, prove yourself and others that your better, grow as a person that started falling since freshmen year and be an outstanding adult by the end of high school, after this it’s college and that’ll be something else. Good luck kid. But honestly I feel like you don’t need it, I genuinely believe in you. Do me proud for Dad, Mom, Echo, Her… Because we know they would be ashamed if we kept spiraling down this path You got this man, I believe in you. From your younger self, Alex.