A letter from Jul 16, 2024

Dear Tayla, Right now I’m sitting in bed feeling incredibly overwhelmed. We have an 18 month old and are moving towns in less than a week. The packing and cleaning hasn’t been finished and Sean is stressing me out. How do you feel now? By this point it’s a year later. Are you less overwhelmed? Is Mathilda in day care? Do you have a job yet? I know we were super keen to get back to work and make our own money. Have you seen Mum and Dad since we all moved? Have you visited Jordyn and Monique and the baby yet? They’re due in just over 9 weeks. I’m so excited to be an Aunty. Right now they’re thinking of naming her ‘Elysia’. Did that end up being that her name? Jordyn said he’s terrified. He’s got nothing to be worried about. He and Monique will make great parents. I’m sure she’ll be an amazing Mum, and he’ll be the Father he needed. How’s Kalei? I sometimes worry about her now, is she doing better? Does she have her license yet? Did she end up going to uni? Did YOU end up going to uni? What is Ethyn up to? Did you end up getting frogs? How did raising caterpillars go? Are you still reading? Have you continued to grow your nails out? Are you and Sean still having problems? He upsets us a lot right now. I feel like he doesn’t pull his weight enough at home. Working shouldn’t give him an excuse to dump all the parenting and chores on me. It’s not my fault I can’t work. Kellie said that Dan used to do his share even while working. It just feels unfair. He keeps saying he’ll do better. Is he doing better? How are Dan and Kellie? Did Blake and Steph have their baby? It’s a boy. I think DJ will end up having a baby next. Does he? Do you get to go out more often? Do you have friends in town yet? I’ve been saying I’d like to visit Mum and Dad more often since we’ll be living closer. Are your trips to see them frequent? Do you have anymore tattoos? I don’t want to get pregnant again anytime soon. I feel like it will be a burden on me. There’s so much I want to do. Want to be. Having another baby will ruin that. I’ve been on the pill for a month and a half. Are you still on it? Are you still on antidepressants? Are you seeing a therapist again? How is the autism. Still handling it well enough? Are you considering getting diagnosed or is still too expensive and/or too long of a waitlist? Are you still drinking coffee. It’s been 7 days since that first cup I’d had after over a year of not drinking it. Are you still friends with Chloe? I’ve been best friends with her for 14 years, which means it’s been 15 years for you. Stay friends with her. Don’t waste that. Is she engaged yet? I think she will be engaged by the time you read this. Her and Aaron don’t want kids yet. Or not necessarily that they don’t want them but that it’s not a good idea for them to have them just yet, what with them buying land and all that. While I’m happy for them and think it’s great that they’re setting up their future, I can’t help but feel bad for Chloe. I know she wants a baby, and it sucks she can’t have one yet. All in good time. She’ll be a fantastic mum too. Like me and a lot of my other traumatised friends, she knows what kind of household NOT to raise a child in. How IS your trauma going? Sorry to bring it up, but are you coping better? In 3 more years, all the cells Jack touched will have died. 4 more for Nick and for the random man from the pub and for the other random old man from the pub and for Cody. This year, 2024, they all finished dying off and renewing for Kris. That’s a milestone. A traumatic one, but it still matters. Remember when Jeremy Child made fun of you for it? **** that guy. Don’t let anyone tell you it wasn’t assault or that it was your fault. Children can’t consent, and no and stop means NO and STOP. Not to mention the 18 year old and the 30 year old you worked with when you were 14. And is Mr. Jones out of prison yet? I’m glad he’ll never be allowed to work around children again. I’m sorry, Tayla. You don’t deserve to have to live with any of that. It’s not fair. I hope you can find a way to heal. A healthy way. Are you still keeping tabs on Morgan and Allie? It’s okay to be curious. You don’t want him back and you don’t want to disrupt them. It would be different if you were stalking them or doing harm. I know that it’s a sore spot for you. Especially how they named their daughter so similar to you. ‘Layla’. It was hard. He was the first guy you had gotten pregnant with. He had a baby with someone else. It doesn’t matter that you also had a baby with someone else. It still felt like that was the life you were meant to have, even if it’s not the one you wanted. While it was an awful experience, I know you’re glad you miscarried. He would have been a terrible father to Aurora. If someone struggles to choose you over drugs, it’s not the right environment to raise a baby in. You know that. I’m sorry you’ve lost babies. I hope you haven’t lost anymore. A slightly happier question, have you made any wedding plans yet? It’ll probably be a long engagement. Weddings are expensive. Have you flown to see Sean’s family yet? I know he’s worried about his nan not being able to meet Mathilda. It’s just that flying over will cost SO much money. It will be the most expensive thing you do besides getting married. Unless you’re both earning 6 figure a year, it’s basically impossible to regularly see his family. Anyway. I should get up and get some more cleaning done. If I don’t get enough done before Sean gets home he will be angry with me. I don’t like it when he shuts down and shouts. Look after yourself, please. — Tayla XX