A letter from Jul 07, 2024

Dear me, Today, I listened to "Letter to my 13 Year Old Self" by Laufey, and it reminded me of something important that I want to share—not just with myself, but with anyone who might read this letter. If you've forgotten the lyrics or no longer know the song, let me remind you: it really hit us hard. While I may not relate to every word, it was one of the first songs that made us deeply emotional. Remember the first lyric: “Don't you worry 'bout your curly hair”? We cried so much at 13 because we didn't fit into the beauty standards we set for ourselves. You always straightened your hair until it was crispy, but I hope that by the time you read this, you’ve embraced your natural curls. I look forward to seeing us loving our curly hair. At 13, we were silly, gullible, and struggled with depression. But there were positive parts of us too. We were dreamers, always hoping for change. And guess what? We did change, even if just a little by the time I'm writing this. Do you remember crying yourself to sleep because of your belly rolls, but still enjoying food the next day? Well, we lost the belly rolls, but I miss them. I miss eating without worrying about calories. We're still learning to eat without guilt, so give yourself credit for that progress. We tried makeup a lot of times, we looked like a ridiculous clown with those crazy makeup ideas and we always though we never had talent for makeup. Guess what? we're doing so well with makeup now! We own a lot of high-end brands by slowly putting extra coins and bills in our piggy bank. You might be expecting that we're now good with drawing but no, we're not. It's a talent that we let go for so long, but we had new hobbies now. Today, I realized how harsh I was at 13. At that age, we should have been having fun with friends, not growing up too fast. But I'm proud of our improvement, especially in our studies. We used to struggle in every subject, even in religion. Remember when Dad drove 42 km in the rain because you forgot your homework, and you still failed? We cried and promised to change. This letter is for the future, but it's also for the past. My 13-year-old self would be so happy to know we studied hard, endured sleepless nights, and became a consistent honor student. We love learning now and are working hard for university. We've grown so confident. We started by wearing long sleeves, then short sleeves, and now no sleeves at all. I want to remind my 13-year-old self that arm fat is normal. You don't have to be skin and bones. You're okay, you're beautiful. Crying over pimples and feeling jealous of others' genes was silly. We have more acne now in 2024, but so what? Acne doesn't make you look dirty. It's normal and never disgusting. I can't guarantee that I'm happy now, but I'm sure today is better than a few years back. Yes, you broke up with your precious boyfriend and made some mistakes with boys, but we laugh about it now. I remember you crying while listening to "La La Lost You" by NIKI on loop. It might seem pathetic in hindsight, but I don't want to invalidate those feelings. We were really hurting at that time because of the wrong decisions we made. It's real, future me. There really is a rainbow after the rain. There will always be. Last thing before I close this off: keep on going with your silly little dreams! You have different dreams, and today your dream is to become a singer. I doubt it will happen, but who knows? Remind me when the time comes. Whether we're on stage, being a corporate worker, or even a business owner like we've always dreamed of (even though we're scared of handling communication and money—ironic, I know), I don't mind either way. Bye LOL.