A letter from July 6th, 2024

Dear FutureMe,
It's just so unfair mao nay iming perspective sa atoang relationship, anyway, salamat sa response. All is clear to me now. If all na imong assumptions is for you tama, wala nakoy mabuhat. Basta one thing is true, after those things na nabuhat ko before, I've never done it again. If in ana KABABAW sad imong trust sa akoa when we were together, then all things makes sense. I hope what I'm thinking and assuming right now are not true, if it is then, how stupid of me! Firm naman jud ka ana imong desisyon, so there's no reason for me to limit and say what I wanted to say. tanan giagian nato seems like nothing to you anymore, you just made it to the top nalimtan na tanan, it's just me, but yes that's how I really feel. You may be and I know masuko jud ka aning akong iistorya. But ****! mura manta anig bagay na kay wa nay pulos pasagdan na, wtf jud. I won't feel sorry sa words na akong pang boy an coz' there's a reason for those. After all these years, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. Dali ra nimo ltan tanan, all I want is just to be heard. Pero wala, wala maminaw, nagpakaon ka ana imong assumptions, and I don't know maybe advises sa imong mga kauban dra na who don't even know the whole story. I tried to be good to you, i tried to understand you, bsan pa ug feel nako baba na kaayo ko, gisabot nako ka kay ur feelings are valid. Pero pag maabot pa in ani, grabe. And if you feel like those 7years of yours are just wasted time, then let me tell you now, right now I'm slowly feeling the same too. I've tried to be a good man para nimo, pero ginapangitaan jud ko nimo ug mali. There are many times na temptation gaduol pero wala jud nako gibuhat, but despite all the efforts in ana in the end, same result, you don't trust me enough. Fck talaga, wala nalang unta ta magbalik pagkawala ni papa, wala nalang unta ko nimo gikontak. Then maybe, I'm living peacefully, not like this na everyday ga contemplate, and always thinking what is life anymore, I can't tell if I am acting normal anymore, twisted na kaayo akong huna huna tungod sa akong mga naagian karon, always faking everything. I'm happy for you, and it's genuine but also this may sound selfish, but it pains me to know you're growing and gere I am rotting. Nganong baba man kaayo imohang tiwala sa akoa? Is it because wala pa koy naabot sa buhay? You always say, you felt betrayed and belittled, pero sa tinuod lang i compare nato sa atong duha, to think logically akoy mas louy. Gi sakripisyo nako tanan para lang sa imoha, tapos unsay kapalit? Kani? If there's a deeper word for betrayed, mao nay matawag. Grabe, and now d na mawala sa akong huna2 the reason why you're being cold to me. My instinct never failed me once, there's someone seeing you there. Kabalo ko, you can fool everyone, but not me. Itaga mo sa bato-- if the person you will be onto is named KASPER, then I will not be surprised. Anyway, this message will not be sent directly to you. But sure thing, I will still read this in the future. 
I have plans, but much better to call it HAD. Live your life, all I will surely live my life and take this as motivation. I may be weak now, but I will redeem myself. I can't be weak all the time. I will make sure na makita nimo, dili ikaw ang gisayangan nako. AKO ANG GISAYANGAN NIMO. **** YOU! 
This letter is supposed to be sent to this person, but yeah. This just me, there's still a little respect left in me for her. So I'll write it and send to myself in the future instead. At least I feel light, my rage against her subsides. So yeah, future me I hope you get better now.