A letter from July 4th, 2024

Dear FutureMe, you're gonna be as beautiful and as happy as you were before being depressed...you're getting fat because of the anti depressant, and it's all for a temporary reasons! 
I know you've always felt ugly, but you have the purest heart ever.. and ISTG YOU'RE NOT UGLY!
for the previous weeks, i started feeling how normal and great i look, and I've admired a guy who has the perfect features I could ever seen, and i thought that he would match my interest.. he's been following me on instagram, and I wanted not to be the mysterious girl who never shows her face.. so i posted my face on my story
he saw it and he IMMEDIATELY UNFOLLOWED ME.
can you understand how heart shattering this is? I started questioning myself, whether I am that ugly.
i hated him and myself for dreaming that big.. I thought I the one, who I'm going to get married to, I know it was all in my mind and he has no clue how hard i was trying to make it happen, but this was enough to destroy my happiness and hope.
sometimes I feel like I'm never gonna get married, because of how i look, which is not that bad, but i have insecurities about my uneven eyebrows, which i happened to be fixing them the past few days.. but everything was useless...