A letter from Jul 03, 2024

It has been a long, long time since i have done this. In my heart i have been yearning for opening my heart up a bit for a long time. I almost didn't write for two or three years. A lot of things happened during this time. I've got married, he went away for military services, i was left alone, he came back. Shortly after we married, we started building our home. We had a little budget so we didn't even hire construction workers for moving the bricks, roof panels, all that fully filled four tractors of mortar sand. We didn't even had a system for moving all of them to the second floor of my mother-in-law's house where we were building our home. It's a common thing for living with your family or your spouse's family here. Anyways, we built up half of it. And we started living in it. Roof is done, walls are done, windows and outer door is done, with power cables and water pipes. We still have to do flooring, bathroom, furnitures and everything else, though. I love doing everything with my husband, and i am okay with living in this condition for a while. But when i see other people move in nice apartments, having their loved ones come over as their guests, having sufficient resources to live comfortably, i wish we could live like them. I'm not a person who likes to show off or like fancy things yet i want to live in a better home. I am working at a local grocery store with a little over minimum wage, my husband is a welder yet he can't find work to do right now so he stays home most of the time. Working at a grocery store is not bad but i every day i question myself why i work there, with all those people who has no ambition of anything and local customers of town telling me they're my relatives through my husband. First two weeks were full of people coming in and seeing me at register, staring then asking the golden question: "Who are you? / Who are your parents?" I was so much annoyed at some point i would laugh with anger and answer. Funny thing is, none of these people are meaning anything to me. I don't even remember their names, their faces or anything.