A letter from Jul 03, 2024

Dear FutureMe, This will be a message perhaps for my papa, pagawas ras unsaid thoughts. Will be sending this to the day I hate the most. Siguro maong gitunong sa independence day kay literal nga gipalaya na ka pa. Bug-at na jud siguro maong ni-give up na ka sa ginoo. Guide is always there pa. It's papa's ***** anniversary. How's life, kid? How are you today? I hope you're doing fine, because papa will be worried if you're not. I hope by now, you realized what's the purpose of what recently happened here. I hope by now, you still remembered his voice, his smile, his walk, his cough, his little budots dance, his singing voice, his scent, everything about him. But if you don't, I think it's okay. At least he's still in your heart. :)) I hope by now, nakasabot na ka sa phrase nga nitatak sa utok nimo nga ingon ni ninang wally daw sa father which is "naay graysa sa kamatayon". Because now, I cannot seem to see what's the blessings in there. I'd rather see my father alive and kicking than receiving that ****** blessings. But no one knows, maybe that's what papa wants anyway? Siguro gikapoy na jud pud siya. If that's the case, I respect it. Pero nganong kalit kalit pud? Ang nakasakit, wa man lang mi kita ana niyang adlawa. Yeah, partially our fault because dugay pud mi mangmata. Pero murag gituyo pud sa universe. Ingon man unta ka pa nga di ka modayon ug attend, maong wa pud ko ga expect. Ingon pa ka nga uban mi unya wa man lagi? Kung uban siguro mi, wa siguro to nahitabo. Kadaghan sa akong what ifs. What if diri sa balay gi-held ang birthday ni nanay, edi wa unta ka nilakaw atong time. What if wa ka gihagad padagat? What if di ka hubog? What if wa ra ka nikaog daghan nya nasobrahan? diba? daghan,pero kapoy huna hunaon. Wa na man pud koy mabuhat. Many thoughts are running free in my mind rn, but I keep ignoring it. After all he have done and sacrificed. I hope na tanang gibuhat niya would not go to waste. Kana na laman, can't wait to see you again soonest pa. Help me believe that there's heaven and God, para malipay pud ko kay basin nagkita na pud mos imong family diha nya magkakita pud ta hopefully if heaven is real. Thank you for all the sacrifices and struggles nga imo ra tawn gi-agwanta nga way reklamo. Coping mechanism na diay siguro nimo tong dali ra masuko, tandugonon, luoran tungods mga problema kay wa man kay kapagawsan. Wa kay giingnan, wa man lang ka nangayog tabang. Okay ra unta nakog nagpakatotoo ka, at least kita tanan tinabangay. Pero saon man jud na pa oy. Salamat na lang jud sa tanan, I love you. I hope you have your rest in paradise now. I miss you so much.