A letter from Jul 03, 2024

Dear FutureMe, I turned 17 today, it was also my high-school graduation today. I got a future me letter from last year and I finally decided to write back to you. The song "Goodbye" from Devorah Schwartz is a exact representation of hoe I'm feeling right now. I will quote some lyrics with explanation. "So this is where it's time for dreams to end. I always thought I'd feel older" I have always fantasized about how life would look like. Since starting high-school I was looking for this day. But honestly, I'm eyes are getting wet with tears (but maybe it's from the new make up). I feel so small with the whole world in front of me, I just feel like crying. I don't feel ready step into whole wide world. Let's continue with the song. "One final hour to cry again. I wave goodbye and there's no looking back" Like I mentioned before, I feel like crying, but there's no time to cry, I have to move on and not think about the stupid mistake I have made today, yesterday or any other day. It's goodbye to my little girl. You've gotta be big girl now, making your own choices. Say bye bye and move on. "A stranger's road lies before me know, and with each step all the memories flood in my mind." Like I've said before in different words, I'm scared of what happens next. I have so many good memories to think of, but now I have to focus on what happens in the future. "Time to let go, but I just don't know how. I'll walk away, while my heart remains behind." I am taking the next step in my life and will be living abroad this year, all my friends have either not graduated yet, or will be spending their next year somewhere where I'm not. My heart remains with them. I just have to walk the walk of my life. I'm at 1:29 of the song. At this point it me writing the feeling I'm getting of every single moment of the song. "And all I have to guide me, is the courage and the strength you create. The comfort of a friendship that gives me so much faith" This is a ode to my friends and family who have always pushed me through hard times. They are reason why I am who I am. They have all shaped me to become to person who I am. I am so thankful for them pushing me beyond the limits! Chorus: "Why does goodbye have to change everything, tell me why. Tomorrow's a new song and I'm singing on my own. I try to move on, but the tears keep on blinding me. Can you promise me that even if goodbye changes everything you will always remember me" So this need a bit of explanation I know why, because I'm 17, I'm going abroad and will be in different social situations, and that means change. I will manage, I know I will, but I just never expected myself to feel so overwhelmed. I just sometimes feel like my life is pretty good right now. Nothing, to worry about. I have loving and caring family and friends, I don't have to pay bills, I don't have to work, but life isn't that way. I guess I'm just really confused. I will be living my life now with nobody that I knew previously. I am just repeating myself. So I will just continue. I also hope to keep in contact with everyone, and that they will never forget me. "And I wish you only joy in everything you do. I wish you friends who will call when the sky's grey and you feel blue." I want to take a moment to wish my friends all the best. I hope that we all find hope in every situation, and that we have friends in every stage in life that will be there when we need them the most. "And you are not just another friend, there's no one else like you." Every single one of my friends, brings something unique to my life. But I guess I will write them each a letter separately. I really appreciate each and every one of them. I hope the saying 'new friends are like silver, old friends are like gold' will be so in this case. Of course it's good to make new friends, but I think there's something special about having a friends who knows you from being a baby and being friends all you life. "If I could wrap up al these wishes, I'd make them all come true" There's so many things I wish for myself and others, I just wish they would all come true. But ultimately it's in the hands of pur creator, and whatever he does is for the good. Even if it doesn't always seem like it. 'And I remember how we'd laughed and remember how we'd sing. We would talk for hours and hours about nothing but everything " I have such good memories of my family and friends. We always had a good time laughing, and singing, though some of you just would be to embarrassed, yall gotta live a little. With some people I had more dmc's, qnd others I would connect more on surrface level. With some I would talk about shared interest, and others argue about the others interests. And of course talking about "when we where little", cause that was always a interesting topic to discuss. "Remember how we planned our lives, it was only make-believe. I hope it all works out right, exactly as you dreamed. Though I was always a closed person and I myself never really talked about my inner most dreams (maybe I will one day), we did always try to evision ourselves. Never really knew what to think of myself. I do hope everybody's life unfold they wanted. And if not, at least in a way that looks good. "And whatever happens when it rains or when it snows. When you've got troubles and you've nowhere else to go. I'm just a phone call away. And you know I'm gonna stay. We'll be there for each other, it's always been that way. This is a long paragraph which I wasn't really able to separate. You should all know my deaf friends, I will always be there for you. You can count on me no matter what. It's only a matter of calling me, and I do usually pick up right away. I know that our bond is strong enough for us to always be there for each other. Now the song just repeats the chorus. It's kinda late. So I've got go. Love, Sara Esther. Words to keep you going: You are strong You are amazing You are wonderful You are great You can do it Just keep on going Just do the right thing. If anyone else is reading this for some reason, know that you are special because G-d created you this way. You are not alone in this journey called life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️