A letter from Jun 29, 2024

Dear FutureMe, 9:19 pm pacific time 6.28.2024 I know the past entry I wrote about was me being excited about going to seattle and while it was fun the saddness and happiness i feel as i rewatch the surpise video knowing i came in knowing we were 5 people and left with 4 people. im not sure if i want to talk about the bad traumtic events yet but i do want to talk about the memories i had with this song. the feeling are strong, song, eurphohric, sad, and happy, so ill stick on the memeroies with this song. im in the uber car and im super nervous and jittery as i realize im actually in seattle and about to surpise my boyfriiend, jhonathan. im super nervous, and i keep annoyily keep asking the uber drive if we have arrive. Adrian texted me if i was close by and i told him im very close. feeling esatic and quite eurpohric. I finally arrive and i couldnt help but to start jumping as i see adrian come open the door for me, we head together inside and go use the bathroom to go touch up my blush. we got upstaurs in the evlantor and start telling him how nervous i am and we arrive to the room and he ask me of what my plan is and then i start telling him i need something to tie his eyes. we start lookig though the whole apartment and we are both smiling and excited. i just take is tank top and tell him to tie it and hold it because his head big (SORRY) then we say if we add something else to make it more authentic, then he procedds to say “ what if i say i got him something because i got this amazon package eariler” and then i agree eagerly. we head to the 20th floor and he tells me to stay until he give the signal because i told him how i will know to come and was nervous he will notice me but he ressurare me no that will not happen. i hear jhonathan vioice and i find myself feeling extremely blushy to know im so close yet so far from him. mallory takes my hand and tells me come on and i tell her are you sure and she smiles and say yes yes. i head over to the scernary and see him smiling, i didnt know what to do at this point so i just took his hands and hope he got the gist (he didnt maybe) and then i see adrian let go of the cloth from his face and his face turn so bright … They all went to bed and i find myself looking at the skyline of seattle admiring the beauty and feel jhonathan hand rest on the back hem of my shirt. i look back at him and told “i wish i could see this in HD” we just eneded up hugging and catching up on some topics. right before we were about to sleep i find him staring at me and most of the time i notice but just keep doing my thang but this time we were so close after not being so close. this song comes up on my head and find myself staring at him hard as well and smiling really hard too. He presses my lips softly againist mine and feel all jitters all over me and then he does it again. im surpise he doesnt heisiatie because PEOPLE are in the room (adrian and maryann but they were sleeping) The feeling i have are so strong and eurpohic. i find his hand place on the hem of my shirt or my waist and i love when he does that. we just find ourselves making strong eye contacts as if we just have fallen in love again. i felt so happy and yea sat night alone in the dark we are dancing (or trying to) to the skyline of seattle to this song and find him warping his hands accorss my waist and couldnt help myself smile and idk just everything all at once, i couldnt help admire the love i have devlop for someone and yet after that night From my diary dont have much to say but i acutally came to west like i said!! im at oregon doing genm=omic research at osu and idk im just axcited but yes im currently listening to champage coast at my room at oregon and just trying to marinate all that has happen this past week. i feel a little alone but thats ok im going to try to get some reading done ( love rom com) and finish the summer i turn pretty. i go to the farmers market tomm. i hope my family is all good i feel like the relationship with my mom has gotten better and idk it ressures me that im able to say that and i love my dad and all my siblings. i just got off a call with sam and we werej ust talking about school, life and plans while this summer is so far defneialty unforgetable im grateful for everything and how it lay out. im also scare of life, it can be taken away in just one random day and on june 22 adrian pass away and that was a year and two months annviersity. im grateful to be alive but also im aware it can be taken away in second which is why gratitude is the best thing i can endure now. im not sure where one year can take me, honestly snice this whole thing happen im just going to be grateful for every mometn i live up to and thats all i can ask for im going to let my goals mold as time goes by because i do want to go to grad school really badly and hopefully my degree change works out. i hope to keep in touch with everyone and anyone. life is ineviatble and most of all unpredictable. love, relationship, abundance, thank you god everything change.