A letter from Jun 27, 2024

Dear FutureMe, From the chaotic year of 2024, I am putting efforts to create balanced life. It's the word, i caught upon since the start of this year. Though while doing so, i didn't know that I would be facing a storm or chaos before creating balance. I wonder, is this how the life works, to experience something we have to deal with it's opposite and continuously refuse it to accept or compromise with it. When we deny what we don't want, we get what we want. It's 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. It seems results are going to be negative. My mind is creating all scenarios of all questions will be put in front of me. That's true that a person who suffers before the situation, suffers more than necessary. There are no answers I have except than accepting that it's my fault. But, what's my fault ? My fault is that I am a deep thinker, my fault is that my mind likes to have control over each upcoming situations so it works upon all scenarios and try to have a clarity of where do I stand. My fault is that I should have all answers for each upcoming life situations, along with the answers of my booklets. My fault is that I want to go beyond my insecurities, fears and triggers. My fault is that I want to sort out my core values or beliefs. My fault is that I want to have alignment between my intellectual and emotional side. My fault is that I want to have peace, calm and harmony with myself. In all of these, i become slow for the materialistic achievements. I call myself a tortoise for that. Though tortoise never stops, it's consistent. I choose myself again and again. This time also I will choose myself. I will keep choosing myself until there are no test of choice come in. It's tough, but I chose this path and I would like to finish it, with my own terms. With each day, i am creating myself with my each of my core beliefs and principles while balancing out the life. I know, one year later me, you, are more dynamic and amazing. You got all lessons I am turning into life. I am putting my each day energy to create you. I hope you got your success. Soon, you would have to work for your vision of life. Probably, you have started already. The one year target project I am working is creating you. And, i have faith that you would have got your results positive already. Even though, there is noone who can understand this all, nor i can explain it to anyone. Though deep down I wish for you that you are not alone in this and someone is there with you to understand and to hear you. I have support system around me, but still I choose to keep all this to me, don't know what's the real reason for it, lack of emotional availability of them or my hyper independent nature which doesn't want to be inconvenient for anyone. And, what's there to expect, as we all are living in our own version of reality. I hope you have created you own dynamic version of reality with the alignment of your thoughts and emotions. And you have your own tribe to listen your version of reality and to clap for it. I am choosing myself again in the hope that you become the person who don't have to choose own self again. You just become you and noone dare to question you. Cheers to our authentic self and it's own growth and for each victories of each day we win in daily life, in inner conflict, in outer conflict. Cheers to our courage and bravery. Love you. Unconditionally.