A new beginning

It's about 9:15 PM on August 13, 2006. The ceasefire in Israel and Lebanon goes into effect in less than an hour. I'm very grateful. This is a stupid war. The way it's been going, no one can win. Even Israel can't wipe out Hezbollah without killing way more civilians than it already has. Even though there have been a lot less Israelis killed than Lebanese, I've still been so scared. You're reading this a year in the future, so you know if the ceasefire worked. I pray that it will. I can't forget how close Avi was to being killed. Eight people died in that train station. My own cousin could have been one of them. Meanwhile, I'm about to start high school. Freshman orientation begins in just four days. More like three and a half now. I need someone to talk to, to help me through this, and I'm hoping I'll get that soon. I miss having friends. It was such a short time, just two years. Now I'm fourteen, the world is falling apart around me, and I need other kids more than ever. Those few fleeting moments of conversation yesterday were such a relief. But they didn't last me very long, even when I had so much to distract me. In the past few weeks, fear has been a constant presence. Now, as I start my new life, I feel like I can truly make a fresh start, one with much less fear than the summer. I pore anxiously over the schedule I've read so many times already. Will I like my teachers? It's a big worry for me after what I went through in eighth grade. But big is relative. I'm very optimistic for this year, despite or maybe because of everything that's happened to me in the public school system. I'm not stuck in that system any longer. I tried so hard to escape, and I succeded. I think I deserve a change. But then, I think everyone who's still imprisoned deserves a change. I'm just one of the lucky ones. Do you still feel that way? I don't want you ever to forget what middle school was like. There were so few rays of hope, and they didn't always last as long as they should have, like band and youth voice. I was so desperate. Eighth grade social studies was the worst part, but so many other things weren't right. It's behind you now, but not quite behind me yet. I've found that I cling very stubbornly to old bitterness. Just this morning I found myself ranting at a camp friend who knows almost nothing of my normal life, who I'll probably never see or talk to again. Still, I have hope. Just ten minutes now until the ceasefire. If you ever lose hope, just remember, bigger miracles have happened. Love, A fourteen-year old girl