A letter from Jun 02, 2024

Dear FutureMe, I hope you are doing well. I just read the letter that I had written to myself a year ago. The past few months, I have been reflecting so much on what a difference a year can make. And while I remember this past year so vividly, it was sobering to read through everything knowing how fresh it was. On June 2, 2023 I left a job that I should've left months before. I only worked there for 18 months, but at around 10 or 11 months in, my coworker started accusing me of different things that were not true. I thought I had moved past it by the time of my birthday in January, and then 2 weeks later I was accused of assaulting a coworker when I didn't even lay a finger on her. And in my birthday card she gave me on my birthday (2 weeks earlier) she had referred to me as the "sweetest and kindest person that she's ever met". I had given myself until the end of May to figure something out, and in April I made the rash decision, or so it seemed at the time, to apply to nursing school. I got in just 10 days later and made the decision to commit. In hindsight, I am sooo grateful for the terrible work situation that pushed me to pursue literally anything and everything to get out of it. I didn't want to burn bridges, and I don't think I did. I was patient enough but motivated enough to leave on the best of terms. And I haven't looked back. I became an EMT and practically an officer. I am more than halfway done with nursing school, only 6 months left. I am growing in my friendships with others, especially those from church. I have restarted a bible reading plan so that I can read the whole bible chronologically in a year (although it may be a bit longer). All glory to God because he made a miracle of my mess from 1 year ago. I had written to myself this little excerpt, and 1 year younger me was so wise for thinking/feeling/writing this. I am just so grateful that God’s timing is way better than my own. On my timeline, I would have been working and doing EMT classes march - may and then gearing up to coach and run shifts and work and apply to PA school again. God is so good and smart and thoughtful. Knowing what I needed and pointing me towards my purpose without me even realizing (big shout out to Bisola for letting God speak truth into me through her). Ahh im just so overwhelmed with gratitude and joy. I have developed some really good friendships through church / bible studies too! (HS, SK, TE, and RT to name a few). Ive gotten to babysit baby C a few times and embrace being an honorary auntie in his life, I want him to know me!! He is 8 months right now. Just so much going on, so much good. I have missed my bible studies and church group meetings as well as Sunday services, but I have a new appreciation for it all after this 2 month period of class. I am really looking forward to getting back into it all and starting school and seeing what is next. Also, I have been babysitting my little honorary nephew pretty regularly and he totally knows me. He reaches for me and wants me! He is so sweet and precious and growing so much so quickly. And he will be a big brother soon! I have been making an effort to prioritize church and Bible study while in school, which has proven to be both difficult and absolutely needed. That 2 months where I couldn't go to group on Tuesday or young adults thursdays or church sundays was brutal and also helped me to prioritize it when nursing school started. I am not always the best at it, but I am always working to be better and not let school get in the way. Now to current events. No love life at the moment. That is okay, I told myself that I am not defined by my relationship status and it does not determine who I am or what my worth is. That is still true. Again, I am so thankful to God that I dodged a bullet with B. Turns out he was dating me and another girl at the same time. Thats why i had a different feeling about him... He had to be on extra good behavior to hide that. But yeah, true colors came out and I was so in love with him (not really but kinda) and so thankful that I decided to walk away and cut things off and never look back. Good job girl, never settle or lower your standards. Every time you do, something like B happens and it isn't worth the heartache. You are worthy and deserving. Find someone who sees that! I am still friends with all the girlies above! Bestie K got married 2 weeks ago, and she is staying until November now! Another God thing, He knew I needed her. New friends from EMS are great, E just got married yesterday!!! How special to be part of her wedding day. I also am pretty close to C and A as well. So thankful for the girl power in a male dominated environment. B has been the greatest encouragement. My bestie from college is for sure a bestie for life. Today in church, the sermon was from Ecclesiastes 3:1-15. Basically, the theme of the sermon was that we do not have control, but rather God has complete and perfect control over our lives. What a great reminder and perfect way to start the day. Also, a great day to hear that and read back on my life a year ago from today. Girl, you will never have control, but God always will and does. Every year looks a little different, but that is actually a huge blessing. You've grown so much. I think about the person I was when I started college, then the one I was when I graduated, the one who quit her job and started EMS and nursing, and the one now who is the person she is today because of all of those other girls she's grown out of. I used to be timid, passive, and stay in my comfortable bubble. But now I am strong, confident, and patient. Thank you Jesus for always grounding me and keeping people around me who not only show me your love, but point me closer to You. You were right when you wrote a year ago that I would have 6ish months left of school. It is so crazy to think! I am going to start applying to jobs tomorrow I think. I am thinking of working in the neuro ICU now. I am exploring (and preparing myself) for the possibility of flight nursing. I am about to start my OB and peds clinicals, and my classmates told me I was a natural with swaddling even though it was my first time. Maybe I will end up in PICU or NICU. I love the tiny humans. But I am grateful for God's constant guidance and aso evident presence over my life. As I wrote one year ago, "Hope you are still thriving girly. You got this, whatever it is that you are going through. There are always challenges, but they make the sweet moments that much sweeter. Keep plugging along!". Some prayers: -for my two friends who just got married: may their marriages be a blessing to so many others as well as to them! -for J and his family: may they continue exploring God even though it scares them and is against what their mom would want -for myself: finish school strong and continue pursuing healthy relationships with friends and church! -Finish reading your bible in a year girl!! you keep saying it but havent done it yet! -for sister L that she will not be brainwashed but will think critically for herself -for sister R to succeed in her job -for the parents to enjoy their empty nester era even though they are not empty nesters yet (thanks to you girl!) haha -for all those unwritten prayers. There are always so many, but God is so much bigger. Also, this is an edit after i finished writing so idk where to put this. Maybe look into an RN to Paramedic bridge program? I know being an EMT is just a volunteer thing, but its a great way to serve the community. Sorry this was a long one. It seems that I write these when I procrastinate my work. I gotta study for my summer classes. But you got this girl. I love you! -Love yourself, just a year younger. <3