Hello 50. It's 45. How's it going?

Did you marry her or not? I hope you did and that you figured out where the two of you will live and that you are happy and that you still have sex and, more importantly, still make time to do nothing but hold each other. I know we're going to come to a decision this year. I hope it's one that works for both of us. I also hope you figured out how to cope with the health problems that are coming back now, as I write this. All that crap about it being cool to grow old doesn't mean much when you feel the way I do right now and know what might come. Are you exercising regularly? I can't seem to keep it up. I'll bet you've cut your hair by now. I'm already thinking about it. Dad's hairline is nice...but it doesn't work with the length I've got now. Oh, well. That had to come. I know, the chicks dig the long hair. But short-haired and good looking is better than long-haired and sketchy looking. Are you still at the same place? (Depends on whether or not you've moved, I guess.) Heh, do you still have this email address? Talk about coping with bullshit. I'm staring at this screen wondering what else to say to you but you know I've never been good at planning or even thinking for the future. I'm sorry about that. I know we want to look somewhere else for an explanation. But, really, it's you. Me, that is. Hope your birthday was great. "45" p.s. I hope you've stopped doing those ordeals. I'm trying to quit but it's like a drug. I guess we've never been strong.