A letter from Jul 04, 2023

Dear FutureMe, It's the 4th of July, half of the year has passed. I'm in bed listening to You Might Be Sleeping by Jakob on Spotify. I finished my second year of uni (who would've been my third if I didn't fail my freshmen year aha). I wonder if you made peace with that or do you still feel left behind in life ? I know how hard it is to constantly compare yourself. My relationship with mom and dad is getting bad again, did you finally move out ? I hope living alone isn't too difficult and that you're well surrounded. Taylor Swift song You're on your own kid is playing now, ironic isn't it ? I'm feeling lonely and I'm ashamed of failing at making something of myself. Everyone is moving on and up, whether it's making money or pursuing big important careers and I'm just in my room rooting all day wasting my early twenties by scrolling on twitter and watching series. I don't even have friends anymore and I can't stand guys. It's like there is no genuine love, people are only around when it's benefiting themselves and it's okay, I get that but it makes me a bit sad wondering if someone is ever going to love me for who I am and not for my body or because it's convenient. It's like I wasted so much time and feelings in those past relationships only to find out I was fooling myself thinking they had my best interests at heart when really everyone is simply looking out for themselves. I'm no longer bitter towards those friends or exes to be honest, I do the same now by putting myself first. I wonder if I'm finally at that age where the magic in everything wears off and if that means adulting is forever having a sour taste in your mouth even when happy things happen (or maybe I'm just depressed lol?). Anyway there is so much I wanna share with you but I'm not sure it's relevant to the person you are in the future. I'd like to think about 22 years old me being an extrovert happy independent woman with a few good reliable friends, a lot of travel buddies to discover the world, maybe a startup or having a great paid internship in a big pharmaceutical company, a little puppy would be nice, good dates and amazing ***, but most of all a fulfilling life. However, because I know life rarely goes the way you plan it, I hope this letter finds you in good health and shape, I hope that everyone at home is okay and safe, I hope you didn't give up on yourself and you're still trying to make the best out of your life. With lots of love, your younger self ❤️‍🩹