A letter from Jun 14, 2023

Hi, it’s me from the past. Fist of are you alive? If you are how are you doing. You got a partner yet or maybe not? HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i hope you are enjoying the day and maybe you finally got some friends, I don't really know considering the fact that I am from the past<3 Well here is some things about me: Im 14 soon to be 15. 14 june now and 18 june is on sunday, im not really locking forward to (you know what K) Mom, dad and Sofia still dosent know about the sh scars. were depressed, dont know if you still are i have short blue hair, my pronouns are HE/THEY or HE/HIM. im trans masc and i hate myself:) i like photographing and drawing, and i like Spider-Punk and Luigi we watch RANBOO i am asexual, maybe aromatic too. I want to be a manga artist or an animator or maye something that has to do with photographing. I dont remember my past at all, i cant remember anything from age 6 and up to now, Ofc i still remember small stuff but not much else. I guess this letter is sort of like inception. I’m so afraid to write this. I’m struggling to imagine who you are. I don’t want a baby. I want more money. I want to live within my means. Beyond my means. I want more time, but also less. And i dont want to live forever, i don't want to get married but i want a partner. I don’t want to experience deep grief. I LOVE STARS!!! Ok ok, i need you to do something for me. Whatever you’re doing right now, stop. Go outside. Call your parents (if you’re lucky enough that they’re both still here) Tell them you love them. AND take a moment and go have yourself a proper personal day. And don’t—don’t you dare—feel guilty for taking the time for yourself. I don't know about you, but this year has been a crazy one. Take a breath. Look down at your two feet. Where are they right now? Look around you. Do you see nature? Go touch the leaves. Pick a flower and deeply inhale its beautiful fragrance. Do you hear birds? Stop and take a moment to go listen to their music, because not everyone is so fortunate enough to be able to hear and enjoy that experience. Do you feel the sunshine on your skin? If not, go step outside and be grateful for the fact that it is constantly shining down on you, and that you are alive. Go take a bite of something delicious and savor every moment with absolutely no concern around any kind of weight gain. Not everyone is so privileged to have access to food, so superficial aesthetics should be the least of your worries regardless of the deep societal impositions. Everything that has happened has lead you to this moment. Don’t change a thing. Everything worked out exactly as it should be. All the puzzle pieces fit, all the paths make sense. All the people were meant to be. All the successes and failures and heartwarming and heartbreaking moments were all worth it. No regrets. You were and are and have been and always will be yourself, and that’s what matters above all. and at last, the reason i asked if you were alive is because im not, i might be here in human form, but my life is falling apart and i dont know what to do anymore. i dont know what to do with my life. im failing all of my classes and i wont be able to go to the school i wanted to go to. Maybe everything will be better if i just disappear, i havent smiled for real in almost a year now. No one cares about my prounouns, i hate myself and my body. i cry myself to sleep everyday and i really thought i was going to be able to live a NORMAL/HAPPY teenage life, but no. thats not what i got. I want to die maybe you dont but i really just want to **** myself. dont worry it wont be painful. i searched up the less painful ways to **** yourself. and its not like anyone is going to care right? 21.09.2023 maybe. I guess this is GOODBYE;)